what is going on
 

love hate violence and pain
crazy nigga that is what driving me insane
but that's all that is left in the world now a days
and the ones who have faith in it somhow get put in graves
what are we surposed to do with a world full of comotion
that has only one motion
what is down and is almost gone
tell me what is going on
why is it we cant stand to gether and be strong
but be divided and weak to the point we cant even get along
not to mention the next breath we take may be our last
cause as we walk past some other nigga may put a bullet in our ass
every day a brother dies
and every day mothers cries
why cant we do right in our lives
why do tears of love hate violence and pain fall from our eyes
someone tell me before it is to late and we are all gone
people tell me what the hell is going on


peace

i really enjoyed this poem because it seemed like you could do this in a club and i can see your feeling in your words come out in each line... and where the space for breath would be. I like the point in the piece, very nice..

uppin for thoughts.........................................

give me some input

This poem was good for what you were trying to say, it was cut and dry and to the point, watch your spelling though and you're grammar, you have the idea for a certain kind of rhyme scheme down, but don't try too hard to rhyme words together just so they fit, which makes a poem look too mechanical, i'm just giving you ideas and being honest,this wasnt bad,and i think you have potential in this area, and if you have more to say in a poem,you could try every other line rhyming, to say more or try middle word rhyming, this was a good piece thoguh,keep dropping..1

uppin let me get some input

This Was Decent You Could Use Better Vocab That Always Helps In Poetry Also Your Imagery Is Too Fast From Point To Point Try To Focus On Dropping About Something More Emotional And Vivid Describe Whats Going On In More Detail This Is A Decent First Timer Drop You Have Potential Just Work On What I Said........

ya give me some feedback