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-   -   Acuity vs Calm (http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=189107)

~Lady Fiya~ 05-03-05 03:38 PM

Acuity vs Calm
 
~Official Battle: Best Poetic Scripture Award~

Acuity vs. Calm

Battle Type: Poetry

KO= 5 votes.

Note: 3 votes will be provided by me, Flow, and Deadly (the award mods) if the battle's open past the 15th of May.

Topic= The Birth of Your First Born

~Rules~
30 Lines Max
No Crew Votes
No Recycling
No Biting
No Bullshit

2 full days to check in, 1 full day to drop your verse. Both have accepted, therefore no excuses, so check in and drop a nice poetic piece! Good Luck both of you.
~Lady Fiya

Minimum posts to vote: 1000

Check in by: 05-05-05 at 03:38 PM

Must drop verse in 1440 minutes after check in.

System 05-05-05 11:35 AM

Acuity has ACCEPTED this battle on 05-05-05 11:35 AM.

System 05-05-05 01:01 PM

Calm has ACCEPTED this battle on 05-05-05 01:01 PM.

Acuity 05-06-05 11:18 AM



Birth Of A First Child

As the essence of my loins is moulded by nature into an entity
No pen has the ability to effectively describe the emotion welling within me
One night's passion has resulted in climaxed in the birth of a child
Its unreal, the physical science that has made my angel gabriel
.
.
Its unknown, underestimated, undisclosed are parternal feelings
One assumes what is right like the philsophys of David Hume is the love of a mother
That only maternal instincts have meaning, That fathers r simple vessels
Vessels that function to insure continuation of life, due to animalism and lust
.
.
The things I took for granted and dismissed as persistant, such as air and vitality
I take seriously knowing every moment on this plane is blessing on me
So I vow, never to allow myself to father this seed wid neglect and scorn
Because, the lord, has givin me infinite joy in the conception of this angelic boy
.
.
When my baby was born and I stared into its eyes, I did nothing but cry
Cried: oceans of tears that raged across landscapes and watered soil
Created fertility from a soul baron, Gave life in its passing to a new man
One who truly fears God, thinkin he may take away my lifes point, my lifes star
.
.
I have eternal undieing love, affection, compassion, adoration for the vector
That enabled light to shine in my world, that gave me a second powerful wind
Her efforts, her toil, mentally and physically is a feat that could never be forgotten
That is why I cherish her as much as the child she has bore
.
.
I never knew how, I could be changed forever by a miraculous smile
Until I witnessed the effervescent glow of the birth of my first child
.
.
-Acuity-

Calm 05-06-05 12:59 PM

NO, no, no, no
I cant believe it
Just cant conceive it
Thoughts in pursuit of thoughts through my mind
When? Where? How far along?…. Is it even mine?
No!
Coursing are ideas of abortion through portions of my brain
But soon forcing those notions which will of course be slain
Exterminate the bearer of my torch? My flame? My name?
No!
But I aint ready
Finances far from steady enough to carry this cargo
A load which substantially outweighs heavy
My wallet is riddled with holes already
A baby will only transform it into confetti
My life is a mess
So much stress
If I was catholic I’d have not enough hours in a day to confess…
What’s this, a test?
Yes!
Yes I shall gladly accept
And to pass, no need to study, all I need is 1 attempt
1 try, 1 life.
No room for error, mimic my father but make things right is my one plan
Funny how my sons birth into childhood catalyzed my birth as a man

Acuity 05-06-05 08:01 PM

bump.............................................. .....

Acuity 05-08-05 02:48 AM

bump.............................................. ..

Acuity 05-10-05 06:53 PM

bump.............................................. .......

Acuity 05-13-05 10:26 PM

.................................................. ......

Wet Willy 05-13-05 11:07 PM

Voted For: Acuity

wow its pretty clear aquity got this one.... ughh calm i can tell ur talented but u just dont really have a style i look for when reading topicals.. i look more for a story.. and ur really just speaking on ur feelings.... acuity you had nice emotion and good feeling the whole way thru.. the only thing is ur a major vocab user and that really bothers me because it seems as though ur using vocab to make up for ur loss of emotion but hey.. u still have a very good verse and ur imagery and emotion is what edged u out.. calm good job just not my style.. pz

Calm 05-14-05 01:32 AM

yea this pretty much came down to style of writing...thats why i dont do poetry battles
but its all love. and i'm amped to be considered for this award being that i just came in this month

Acuity 05-15-05 10:28 AM

thanks man

BUMP>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Restricted 05-15-05 11:09 AM

Voted For: Acuity



Calim:

Ok Man..I See The Format You Used In This Poetry Battle. I Feel This Is A Very Lazy Structure For A Writer and It Takes Away From The Story and Emotion...You Had Some Nice Vocab Here and There, but Your Emotion Was Forced. If Your Gonna Use That Structure Master It First. I Really Think Your Drop Was Basic...If That. No Hate but Honestly.

Best Line:

"No room for error, mimic my father but make things right is my one plan
Funny how my sons birth into childhood catalyzed my birth as a man"

Acuity:

This Had A Topical Format/Structure To It...Which Isn't Always A Bad Thing, It Just Shows That From Your Topical To Poetry..You Can't Switch Styles. Your Emotion and Vocabulary Was Decent and The Imagery Was Nice. I Enjoyed This Piece.

Best Line:

"So I vow, never to allow myself to father this seed wid neglect and scorn
Because, the lord, has givin me infinite joy in the conception of this angelic boy"

Vote: Acuity

Return Favor Please:

http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=190473

Good Battle You Two!

~R~

Acuity 05-15-05 03:41 PM

bump.............................................. .........

Restricted 05-15-05 04:21 PM

^Return Favor.....



~R~


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