Acuity vs Calm
~Official Battle: Best Poetic Scripture Award~
Acuity vs. Calm Battle Type: Poetry KO= 5 votes. Note: 3 votes will be provided by me, Flow, and Deadly (the award mods) if the battle's open past the 15th of May. Topic= The Birth of Your First Born ~Rules~ 30 Lines Max No Crew Votes No Recycling No Biting No Bullshit 2 full days to check in, 1 full day to drop your verse. Both have accepted, therefore no excuses, so check in and drop a nice poetic piece! Good Luck both of you. ~Lady Fiya Minimum posts to vote: 1000 Check in by: 05-05-05 at 03:38 PM Must drop verse in 1440 minutes after check in. |
Acuity has ACCEPTED this battle on 05-05-05 11:35 AM.
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Calm has ACCEPTED this battle on 05-05-05 01:01 PM.
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Birth Of A First Child As the essence of my loins is moulded by nature into an entity No pen has the ability to effectively describe the emotion welling within me One night's passion has resulted in climaxed in the birth of a child Its unreal, the physical science that has made my angel gabriel . . Its unknown, underestimated, undisclosed are parternal feelings One assumes what is right like the philsophys of David Hume is the love of a mother That only maternal instincts have meaning, That fathers r simple vessels Vessels that function to insure continuation of life, due to animalism and lust . . The things I took for granted and dismissed as persistant, such as air and vitality I take seriously knowing every moment on this plane is blessing on me So I vow, never to allow myself to father this seed wid neglect and scorn Because, the lord, has givin me infinite joy in the conception of this angelic boy . . When my baby was born and I stared into its eyes, I did nothing but cry Cried: oceans of tears that raged across landscapes and watered soil Created fertility from a soul baron, Gave life in its passing to a new man One who truly fears God, thinkin he may take away my lifes point, my lifes star . . I have eternal undieing love, affection, compassion, adoration for the vector That enabled light to shine in my world, that gave me a second powerful wind Her efforts, her toil, mentally and physically is a feat that could never be forgotten That is why I cherish her as much as the child she has bore . . I never knew how, I could be changed forever by a miraculous smile Until I witnessed the effervescent glow of the birth of my first child . . -Acuity- |
NO, no, no, no
I cant believe it Just cant conceive it Thoughts in pursuit of thoughts through my mind When? Where? How far along?…. Is it even mine? No! Coursing are ideas of abortion through portions of my brain But soon forcing those notions which will of course be slain Exterminate the bearer of my torch? My flame? My name? No! But I aint ready Finances far from steady enough to carry this cargo A load which substantially outweighs heavy My wallet is riddled with holes already A baby will only transform it into confetti My life is a mess So much stress If I was catholic I’d have not enough hours in a day to confess… What’s this, a test? Yes! Yes I shall gladly accept And to pass, no need to study, all I need is 1 attempt 1 try, 1 life. No room for error, mimic my father but make things right is my one plan Funny how my sons birth into childhood catalyzed my birth as a man |
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Voted For: Acuity
wow its pretty clear aquity got this one.... ughh calm i can tell ur talented but u just dont really have a style i look for when reading topicals.. i look more for a story.. and ur really just speaking on ur feelings.... acuity you had nice emotion and good feeling the whole way thru.. the only thing is ur a major vocab user and that really bothers me because it seems as though ur using vocab to make up for ur loss of emotion but hey.. u still have a very good verse and ur imagery and emotion is what edged u out.. calm good job just not my style.. pz |
yea this pretty much came down to style of writing...thats why i dont do poetry battles
but its all love. and i'm amped to be considered for this award being that i just came in this month |
thanks man
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Voted For: Acuity
Calim: Ok Man..I See The Format You Used In This Poetry Battle. I Feel This Is A Very Lazy Structure For A Writer and It Takes Away From The Story and Emotion...You Had Some Nice Vocab Here and There, but Your Emotion Was Forced. If Your Gonna Use That Structure Master It First. I Really Think Your Drop Was Basic...If That. No Hate but Honestly. Best Line: "No room for error, mimic my father but make things right is my one plan Funny how my sons birth into childhood catalyzed my birth as a man" Acuity: This Had A Topical Format/Structure To It...Which Isn't Always A Bad Thing, It Just Shows That From Your Topical To Poetry..You Can't Switch Styles. Your Emotion and Vocabulary Was Decent and The Imagery Was Nice. I Enjoyed This Piece. Best Line: "So I vow, never to allow myself to father this seed wid neglect and scorn Because, the lord, has givin me infinite joy in the conception of this angelic boy" Vote: Acuity Return Favor Please: http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=190473 Good Battle You Two! ~R~ |
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^Return Favor.....
~R~ |
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