Heaven (Yea That Boy Det Religious)
 

Every day there's a thought if i'm wanted or not
A thought if my heart shall keep going or stop
A thought if GOD will take me with him now or later
I dedicate my life to Christ my personal Saviour
I have a family of strong Christians always at my side
An uncle being sent away sayin stay strong don't cry
He says he has a job to do but it tortures us
I'll miss him so much my mind turns to storms and dust
The world is gettin so cold, so many non believers
So many young kids in the world who only see hurt
So many Satanics out there it's so confusing
False things misleading people to think they're true things
There's so much better and people don't understand
Just look up to GOD trust him lay your problems in his hands
There's no way he'll let you down, this life is a stepping stone
One to the next life, such a better one, so come home
Stay here with us, put your trust in the Lord
Give to him and in return he'll give more
"Just Think of all the people that you knew in the past
That past on they're in heaven found peace at last"
Quoting Pac, and inspirational artist who has me motivated
I'm gonna sit at Heaven's Gate's untill i finally make it
And if i don't, i'll just be here at Heaven's Gate's
I'll sit here and listen to the Lord breath every day


"Just Think of all the people that you knew in the past
That past on they're in heaven found peace at last"
-Pac's Words-

Yo, this was a real deep piece, the imagery was o.k...it flowed real well, but the emotion was lacking. I can tell that this is a deep topic for you , so next time just convey more emotion, but overall this was a well written piece.

overall 8/10

Lemme give you my breakdown

The concept you went with has been done before but I feel you could've made it your own by zooming in on some aspects you personally find most important. Try that next time because the piece was rather global, you spoke about a lot of things but never went indepth or into detail. I disagree about the vocab, it doesn't have to be at a high level to make a nice piece. The imagery was good, you really picked it up in the last lines (listening to the Lord's breath). Emotion could've been better but I think it's because you kept it global, sometimes it's hard to write on things that matter the most to you but overall I enjoyed reading this. No hate whatsoever man, just trying to help you know...

aight thanx uppin