ill always love you
 

we was goin out,for a couple months and a year,
been fallin down into pieces,in somewhat a tear,
as im layin still after fallin,and i let out a sigh,
of a relief of me knowin,im bout ready to cry,
cause deep inside,i'm heart broken, but been woken,
of a dream dat seem to keep goin but no one spoken,
juss sittin in da silence,knowin dat all dis is pathetic,
when people usin hate as another form of anisthetic,
hearin things from ya friends,and you hearin mine,
now we used to be,but no longer on cloud nine,
and the sun,the shine,the happiness and the laughs,
all seem to fade away,and just put back in the past,
as da nightmares,the terror,juss Seem to be comin out,
with sumthin new,and its juss about ready to sprout,
wats dis about,cause we need to get our act together,
cause da weather is wats holdin the "letters" together,

TO BE CONTINUED

ey yall uppin for feed....please give some feed yall

come on yall leave som feed

this was decent,opener was worded a bit off thou
structures good, vocab was about average
wasnt feeling the closer like i shouldve thou...
it didnt make sense to me, hmm, dunno, maybe im tired..
i suggest using more imagery and express ya
emotion more, on a topic like this, your reader should
be infused with chills, that when you kno you've written
a good topical piece...especially if you get chills reading your own work
stay up thou, some improvement n you'll drop some nice stuff

come on people...yall sleep....leave some feed