|
JoOksta Da Great!!
http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=190331
ay0! its da god-lyricist,spitin dis all-serious// ni99az iz all-curious,dey whack and dats all-period// veteran talent wit magic,wrapin faggits in plastic// spitin,writens an classics my style jurassick// fightn? im swingin da left,beef? den im bringin da tecks// in da booth im da truth,u underated n spitin ya best// pimpin hos fa pussy n keepin-em-wet// boss man,i keep-em-in-check// runnin wit a mafia dats deep-in-streets// u die if u beef-wit-da-peeps// seek n destroy my enimies quick// infect em wit sars da only way dey sick// im done! |
u gots mad potential fam...but ya shit right now is "hmmm"...i mean, structure was off...iight flow...and for ya 1st joint (i think) u need touch ups...like lose tha "//" and tha end of ya lines, i know they lines, dont tell me...lol...stay up and do u tho...jus know if a "vet" comes in here...he might eat u up...
peep my shit too...its tha top link in my sig...1 |
da proplem is try ta seem em flow when they ain't... keep up....
improve your structure, but ya gangsta style.. I like it RTF |
structure and flow shit was hard to follow i couldnt feel tha flow sorry fam good first try thou keep at it homie peep my open mic wit my boi murdz called murderous mindz chea holla at cha boi...............
|
Good Looks On Da Feed Backs Yall...i'll Be Sure Ta Peep Ya Open Mics!
|
ahh , this was some amateur stuff
Structure , and flow were blah.. Punchlines were there but werent hitten very hard next time on your structure dont end your lines with // End then with ... or just leave it with out // Overall keep it up, you have potential keep elevating and go into tutorials your learn stuff |
Nice Man But I Seen Some Other threadz By Ya N U Could've Done A Whole Lot Bedda! Holla Atcha Boy
|
good look out on da tips and opinions
|
Quote:
Are you really serious? |
^^ are u really serious?
|
| All times are GMT -4. The time now is 04:55 PM. |