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Murderous Thoughts
thoughts of slaying innocent civilians cross my mind so brilliantly sick, however it's so cleverly divine in my own warp of lost time, always thought i was blessed but recently came to the fact that i am sadly possessed by inner demons, forcing me to commit cruel acts for the facts, i enjoy hurting people until the last cry is released, until the last bitch bleeds until atlas one person can see me for who i am but laying everyday in this uncomfortable patted cell it 's hard to breath in this long lasting hell i can't tell if this feeling is eternal this squared area serves as my home and urinal my life's a joke, a human journal but its something i haven't recently learned though i am registered as a little over fifty one- fifty and only my parents to blame, for this life which is so shitty as i dream of sitting in a green vast land on some rocks i wake up each time in this hell whole, with murderous thoughts |
cool poem man, liked the conecpt of it, and how you ended it up, nice emotion, poem that you could really get into it....too bad it wasn't longer, lmlo....but anyways, nice vocab, coula been better though, i felt, but overall, nice idea, good read.....keep up
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uppin this piece
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upp upp and away
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upp.....man wheres the feedback
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Interesting concept you went with here, was a good read in fact but too bad it wasn't a bit longer. Ending was nice, good vocabulary too (excellent balance between basic and complex). Good emotion, nice imagery, could really feel what you're saying in here.
Keep it up :thumbup: |
this is dope valor, and i am not busy anymore, which means i am here posting feedback for everyone,so if i need a mod, i will holla at someone....you have a lot of skill and you break it up into various points and words, i think you need to worry less about what people think and more about what you portray out there to others, because i know you have talent, and the vocabulary....just relax, and let your emotions flow more,don't worry too much about what your trying to say....because either way, people will notice heart over effort..1
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upping
this piece |
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