FLOOZE vs diman
 

good deal. check.

Yeah, checking in.

Fading Away

Already a workaholic. Yet tired of starbucks, was ready for college.
Has the heaviest wallet. His wrists in ice & his butt in a chevy impala.
Family was solid, except paps was a widow...Or watever you call it.
Beyond educated, son graduated top of his class. Forever symbolic.

The boy grew up, having to steal cash out momma's purse.
Paps caught him diggin & bestowed regret apon his birth.
Kid was cold & needed clothes, its why he stole at first.
But turned into a sort of curse, how he couldnt stop. Reverse.
It caused a lot of hurt. Paps told em "momma's heart had burst".
Basically told the boy, he was the reason she left the earth.
Paps became a jerk, 12 years past & still would not convert.
After senior year they lost touch & the son moved off to work.

Flew past his degrees, like school was a thermometer & he was mercury.
Threw his bachelors in the trash & framed his masters like J. Dupri.
News came Paps pawned momma's ring. It was only worth a G.
Appalled & such, the boy questioned. It was her death anniversary.

Paps lived in a shelter now, nicknamed the Poverty Resort.
Son confronted him, asking why he ordered the divorce.
Paps made it a mockery of course & said awfully..."the morgue".
The son fled uptown to the building & read the autopsy report.
Never been shocked so much he mourned, fell knees to floor.
Discovered she was beat to core & left to bleed galore.
Went on to read, there was an argument the night before.
And realized shed been killed, cause she didnt love Paps no more.

Fading away.

Left school, still not knowing what path to follow.
While passing through education was a waste, my skull left hollow.
Fucking around, skipping classes, trying to boost a reputation.
But grades and later life was more important, i didn't harness dedication.
5 years passed, still idle. A stain in old friends memorys and minds.
I was a low-life, they had cars, nice apartments, our two lifestyles collide.
Clashing with opposite actions, resorting to theft just to restrain the debt.
Involved with the big dealers, running errands, one mistake and for dead; i was left.
So i couldn't fuck-up. I had to make sure this whole situation went right.
Known to the feds, so i had to act under the blanket of the night.
I'd been entrusted with all these class a's. Cast my life on this moment...
But, cops raid us in the final transaction.*stunned, arrested & in prison*
Mission failed, location was leaked, replaying over & over, i captured the scene and froze-it.
They'll think it was my fault, i told no-one of this operation.
But i got no allies in this game, i'm sunk with no salvation.
They'll come for me, they'll want my death known.
For i was a errand boy, a pawn. & i neglected the man on the throne.
They'll know where i reside, so i'll plead guilty. & stay in the belly of the beast.
Because i know i won't be safe within, but from outside world i will at least.
I can't be chained to a environment forever, but i'll try not to see freedom, & light of day.
But for once i know what path to take, and that is....To finally fade....away.

both pieces had nice emotion with good imagery and flow. i especially liked the different views on how each writer "faded away". all in all my final vote goes to....

final vote = diman

damn...4got ta say why. i picked his piece cuz i thot he had the edge in imagery. especially with the metaphors and similies n such that he used. both good pieces as said earlier...but diman got the edge ta me

Word im feelin the different approaches to the topic taken by each writer....personally im feeling Mokey dust's drop more than dimans..both were dope...what took it for me was how monkey dust mixed sheer emotion and literal and frank vocab wid higher vocab wa sjust nice to see someone comfortaable like that wid words..:thumbup:
good battle...

VOTE = FLOOZe/Monkey dust

Nice battle right here, I feel the topic allowed both of you to use your own interpretation and put a lot of emotion in it which you also did.

diman: I enjoyed reading your drop mainly because of your own unique writing style, you manage to express a very emotional story in understandable words by using comparisons and such. Your flow is excellent due to a rather complex rhyme scheme, using same sounds several times in few lines which gives it a very good sound expression and flow. Imagery was okay, you didn't really approach it in a way that is focussed on imagery, the story was the core of the piece blended with the emotion. Your vocabulary was good, you portrayed everything so that everyone understands what you are talking about.You built up the story in a good, interesting way, nice topic twist as well. Good piece!

Monkey Dust: this is the first thing I read from and I must say it was a pleasant surprise, I loved the twist of the topic that you used, didn't really expect anyone to use it so that was quite creative. Even though the topic doesn't really allow you to use heaps of imagery, I can still picture the life of the person you're talking about. The emotion was very strong, telling the life story and the struggles or obstacles in it. I enjoy how you express certain things, here are some examples: "to act under the blanket of the night" or "stay in the belly of the beast". Flow is good, had some multis and same sound expression in your lines, also had a poetic vibe over it in my opinion. Vocabulary was good as well and the ending was marvellous, nice piece!

Both had interesting, emotional pieces so it basically comes down to which story I found more creative and then my vote goes to Monkey Dust because he approached it in a "no longer be free" kind of way which I was surprised by. Diman, you have a fascinating writing style which appeals to a lot of people, including me, so it was a very close battle in my eyes.

Good to see people being active in this league, props to both of you :thumbup:

Score so far:

diman: 4 votes
Monkey Dust (FLOOZE): 2 votes

the verses were pretty even in imagery, Flooze's flow was off due to a few stretched lines and that killed his piece. both were enjoyable reads but i felt the emotion more in diman's verse

v/ Diman

hmm, im going with diman on this one

both came out with cool, unique topics, kickn' imagery in both....but i was feeling more emotion outta diman's, i thought she expressed her view alot better, and really but alot more emotion into her words....flooze, yours was cool, but i thought the vocab you used really restricted your emotion...and i didn't like your structure, mainly because it was really inconsistent....although thats not that big of deal.....it was one of the factors here because this was pretty close

but im going with diman, i enjoyed her verse more...came down to the emotion for me, diman had more, keep up both

v/diman

This was a cool battle & the topics were decent by both.

Diman, I really felt at times you used some poor vocab, only so you could keep a good rhyme scheme. Don't get me wrong, it had a nice flow & rhyme scheme & still made sense but I felt you should of re thought some of your word choices.

E.g.

Family was solid, except paps was a widow...Or watever you call it.
Beyond educated, son graduated top of his class. Forever symbolic.

Paps became a jerk, 12 years past & still would not convert.
After senior year they lost touch & the son moved off to work.

It does make sense my man to use convert, but the use of the word convert normally is associated with religious conversion or mathmatical conversion, you don't really say, "would you convert your attitude".

However, this was a solid piece & I liked the multi's, good stuff.

Monkey Dust. Again, pretty good but not a very original concept. I liked the idea but so many people have done prison concepts & the good ones are awesome & pretty hard to top off. It's probably because I've read so many that I get sick of them. However, solid effort.

Overall: Maybe expand your ideas because it was obvious that the whole "going bad" angle was the most straight forward seeing as you both had a similar take on it. I'm gonna vote Diman because he had a better rhyme scheme, flow & had some use of wordplay which I thought was tight: but dude never mention J.Dupri, the dood is a fag lol.

"Flew past his degrees, like school was a thermometer & he was mercury.
Threw his bachelors in the trash & framed his masters like J. Dupri."- Diman

Top line was cool though. Nice work guys.

V: Diman