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Poetry..I used to Love Her.....
I tried to keep the door closed
even though my souls burning slow i dont want the whole world to be singed but the hotter it gets ..the more I want to let it go let the fire free.. let the flames flow the harder I try to save its frame.. i become unhinged.. the door has open it hurts deep ..the heat hard unbearable flames i just want to pass away I beg for deliverance but my wounds juss get irritated by your acid rain.. Poetry I used to love your words, your spirit, your mind.. One upon a time you helped me see the light.now u driving me blind You used to encourage my hands..giving them a reason to befriend a pen now theyve dipped in sin..they write of death theres no more Joy in there words..No more happiness.. I used to be determine to impress u..constanly with persistence I remember my life was waddling in a pig pen u made me feel Still alive Now your too busy for me.. you follow a ghost..yet you mock my existence You inspired my mind, then detest my inner thoughts..imagine how i feel inside.. sometimes my pen justs cries,sometimes it bleeds and pours over the scribe without a drop a joy..until the veins emptied... it was spoken |
This was a good piece in my opinion, nice concept even though it has been used before but that's the case with 90% of the songs and poems. The emotion was strong, had a good vocabulary in here. Imagery was cool but best aspect was the emotion without a doubt.
Keep it up man! |
Quote:
The words in highlights were your strongest, that was some emotional spoken vibe that you got on and didn't seem to shake..until you it seemed you thought about it, and got self conscious..you lost that out cry of passion, and it hurt you here...this was dope all around,but if you stuck toy uor gut,and told whoever your talking to what you really felt..i mean continued to....this would be great...it was good,but keep sticking to your gut,and you can make wonders happen with your writing...pay more attention to your english...keep dropping.1 |
thanx ladies...this makesme feel to see yall feed yall are respected heads onhere and by yall complimeting my work i feel accomplished even though i know i must elevate!!
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uppin..............................
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good piece; topic has been used before but dis a solid piece; emotion was da strongest point in dis one; good imagery, vocab ect....keep up da work..1
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...............yeah..thanx every topics been used before!
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Good drop man...although tha topic has been a bit exaggerated, u did it justice. Excellent use of vocab...decent structure and emotion was there as well.
Keep it up RTF on tha link in tha sig...please |
thanx...................
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uppin........................
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good topic not bad vocab couldv been better but for a poem it was ok
keep droppin |
thanx..................
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stop upping so much anyways you need to up your vocab and imagery a lil emotion was there and good here nice ther like i said only thing you should work on is vocab and imagery bigger words are like bright colors they stand your picture out more .english is a beautiful language if used properly homie.topic has been used to death before but you came accross pretty decent just work on what i told you and youll be dope good shit.
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sounds like you were heart broken. well you really put alot of thought into this and it wasn't the best I've read but it was the top 5. I might come back and elevate of this. well everything was nice and I liked th way you expressed yoursel;f. I liked the pen line. very nice line.
RTF or else... |
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