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Omnivision vs Paranoid
Battle Rules:
Topical battle. 16-22 Lines. No Crew Votes. No Recycling. No Biting. No d/r. No hate. 3-0 K.O. Topic: "shedding tears". Minimum posts to vote: 350 Check in by: 05-17-05 at 02:42 PM Must drop verse in 360 minutes after check in. Win by 3-0 KO |
Omnivision has ACCEPTED this battle on 05-17-05 02:14 PM.
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Paranoid has ACCEPTED this battle on 05-17-05 02:19 PM.
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Shedding Tears Crying daily her frustration grew tell it hit a mountains Peek Temptation never expected, restricted for someone so Unique The moment I met her, she patronized of a life Unorganized Hit with drug abuse and alcohol addictions never Recognized Never with friends, they all banded her without a Remark She was always full of temptation she just couldn’t Embark Always frustrated, yet she was possessed with a Disease People would gossip saying she got aids just to be a Tease But nobody knew if it was the truth so many asked Questions Under the impression of depression, they forced her Aggressions Always coming to places drunk or high, people would doubt Her Then she’d go home, cry because of people asking about Her The sadness was no one knew her feelings weren’t her Motivation Frustration wasn’t the expectation, but she needed a Vacation The only left for her to do was wish for a life with less of Hate Even though life consists on fate, love just doesn’t Relate Crying daily her frustration grew tell it hit a mountains Peek Temptation never expected, restricted for someone so Unique |
k well i finished my piece. i got my mom to let me stay home so i finished it before one hour so yea its there:)
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Shedding tears. *Diary opens* Trudging home, abused, beaten. Cursing at overcast clouds. Exhausted from fleeing, and defending myself against crowds. Of bullys, that prey on my intellect, jealous of what they don't possess. Every night, i wept, wanting to end my life not willing to take lifes test. Gruelling exams ahead, i knew what was expecting of me. But coping with this? Abuse kicked at me exposed to fists and blasphemy. Enemys surround me in class, glaring because of what i am. I could see kids whispering, plotting, scheming, boiling up a master-plan. Schools out. Knowing somethings gonna happen, at the end of the day. I bask in dismay, for courageous friends is what i pray for an crave. That'll comfort me from these scenes of hurt, pressure and pain. And to shield me from figures lurking, waiting to attack in the pissing rain. Its a shame, i don't want my education to go to waste. But how can i go on? To face spite the corresponding day? Slamming enclosed fists on my study desk, taking out my feelings. I can't take this out on them, without being clapped back at beyond healing. Brain fogging over with hate, erasing all i've shared and learned. Hiding the bruises from my parents, knowing they'd be concerned. Knife under my pillow, forgetting the world, with a slit i could end all my fears. But i let it drop on the duvet, break down, and shed some tears.. *Diary pages flutter, book drops from a bloody hand* |
Finished, i just keyed this up so its nothing special.
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word well lets get some fuckin votes. it was a good piece man maybe we should collab sometime but you remind me of someone from rb. lol
are you Incineratedrose? |
This was feedback posted for Paranoid
Paranoid- The emotion on your piece was good, liked the way you talkd about her problems. And like you told me on aim, you added more complex shit to it, and yeah you did. Nice imaginary, but add more meta'z in it. Nice vocab. The angle you came from was totally different from what you use to drop, but it was still good. The flow was nice. Good drop. Omnvision- Alright man, nice. The imaginary was good, with good emotion. Liked your view point. The thing that REALLY stood out in your verse was Emotion, shit was nice. The imaginary was good needs to be upp though. Nice vocab. Nice Flow. Dont stretch your lines that much. The Complexity was meh ok, upp on that. But either way nice drop Should be a close battle, G-luck to both of you 1 |
This was feedback posted for Omnivision
Checking the polls................................
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thansk for the feed. but can we get soem votes now please. thank you
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Voted For: Paranoid
Pa Nice Shit Man You Had Alot of Deep Shit In here Nice Imagery, Also Had Good Vocabulary Here, Structure Was Neat And Clean, You Had Some Meta's Here, Alot of Emotion Piece Was deep I Liked The Opener On This It Had Alot Of Meaning This Verse, Good Topic To Pick From Man, Nice Drop I Liked It Omni Good Piece Man You Too Had A GoodVerse, You Had Nice Structure You Also Had Alot of Meta's Here Which Was Good, Vocabulary Was Nice, You Also Had Some Good Shit Here, man Nice Closer That Was Best part Of This Verse, You Had Good Shit Close Battle Man My Vote Goes To PA Thoug Cuhh He Came Nice He Had Good Shit Vocabulary And Structur e More Emotion Man No Hate |
K, thanks for the vote. And Paranoid, no i'm not that dude.
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Fuck, vote you bastards. :mad::mad:mad:mad:. Upping.
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This was feedback posted for Omnivision
checking.......................................... .....
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