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Silent Scream
[TOPICAL] Silent Scream My arms flingers wildly As I try to grab a hold of this person that’s unknown as my vocals being silent under the pillow, gripping so tightly over my jaw bone I start to kick, but the it only made the unknown, madder and harder for me to breathe My eye sockets…tears starts to weep, “I need air”, o please “fate” I need air desperately I can barely see any light, all I see is darkness, I feel like I’m being trapped under the abyss Decreasingly losing air. The more I move, the more the unknown hands tight grips I can imagine myself my body moving like an seizure….This can’t be the end of me Like the eyes of an evil Satan, my eyes are red. More and more my tears drops heavily Under the pillow sheets my lips are dry, The grip loosens……..Am I……..Free? It all makes sense, seeing my body…Helplessly on the bed sheets as I’m flying heavenly. The Unknown I stand by the door, Looking at this beauty that shines bright in my heart Start to wet my lips, I’ve never seen something like this, since my wife depart The air is cold around me, but my heart that beats 542849 every second is warm I can’t take it any-more, I have to do this. I want to release this puncture Thorn I move close to the room, as I did, my pores is full with sweats and nervousness My heart beats LOUD this time, as I put my hand on her skin…I can feel the lust ish Without knowing, My arms force her stomach on the bed, then she starts to fight me I know this is an awkward thing, but I have to, this lust has been creeping inside of me As I thrust my tool in her, the lust has been release, with sweats coursing down my face My hands trembles has I let go of the pillow, shock because she is not moving, shock ……………………………….............. ..................................that my daughter is dead. Leave Feed S~A |
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Yo uppin............................................. .
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I enjoy how you portrayed it from different angles, it added an edge to the piece and allowed you to use tons of emotion as well as imagery. Found an excellent balance in your vocabulary, kept it simple yet powerful and poetic. Twist in your story was nice, good flow, good structure and amazing emotional, vivid way of expressing everything.
Nice piece! |
like DQ said...nice imagery n flow. topic wuz on point as well. enjoyed the twist/spin on it. emotion wuz like WHOA. but yea keep it up fa sho.
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Yo thanx........................Uppin................
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This was a pretty nice drop..
It was a very good drop.. nice emotions Good imagery , and nice feeling.. Your structure was good , and you had decent wordplay and vocab , felt it could have been alittle better.. Good flow, was really feeling it ... Overall nice drop .. Was really nice.. keep it up , |
^^ Thanx for the feed man................Upppin for more feeds.
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wow i thought the end of this piece was really powerful, the emotion you had was nice as well as the imagery........structure was good........keep it up.........
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fucked up topic, a bit disturbing really....lol but yeah emotion was all that, n imagery was like whoa! its like ur standin watchin it happen! its jus one of those poems that makes u believe that its actually happening while ur readin it!
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^^ Hahaha Word @ B-gurl. Thanx for the feed..............Uppin for more.
O thanx for the feed Mizz Fyre. I knew you couldnt keep away from me, you luh me baby! |
^^^lol you crazy fo real........and you wrong lol.........
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^^ Damn...................Why you gots to do me like that?........Man you is COLD
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lol i ain't cold lol.........sorry haha
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Lol......It's all good, I'm going to get you one day....................
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