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(Jimmy Pocketz) vs. Lyriclesolja
Battles up Monday - Check In by Wednesday - Drop by Friday - Votes by Sunday No line limit and the battler with most votes by Sunday night is the winner. If this is a topical battle, write a topical and not a poetic drop and the same is vice a versa. All Battlers must vote on 4 other battles and leave their voting links in their battle thread. Battles voted on may be from either poetry or topical battles. Extensions must be asked for by Thursday night by pming any of the mods (Acuity, Drama Queen & Elementality). No extensions will be given 4 if asked 4 on Friday night. Extensions are only given till Sunday night at the most. Every battler must nominate (not their own) one topical and poetry battle for pieces of the week, in the main forum . People with pieces of the week shall have their drops stickied and placed in the Pieces Of Inspiration sub forum Topic: Whirlwind of Pain |
check check.......
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check......................
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.....we meet again.....
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The Drop Check It.
. . . yo As i step into a mind, Lyrics are only as good as my last, Time will pass into something unknown, Flashes into a step he drops, Cringing in Irony, Mind like a window, Broken but put back simple, Shatad mind like Frames, from a past beat, Lyrics seem to be hard, Mind crams unbearable pain, The Dome aches, Please another Time, Not now more than ever, The inside is rain, He tryes to step out, Of this whirlwind of pain. . . . Done |
The Tears can silently splatter or Trickle OutLoud like Laughter with out all that Matters anymore With Sorrow Melting like Many Smores Ontop of a Orangish Flickering Flame Betrayel Lingers in a Snickering Game that gets Played with All Our Emotions takeing a Toll on who that were Focused to Never deal all the Deck out In one Hand But you cant Fit all the Nightmares .......And Pain and Sorrow all in One Hand without bearing the Overpressure and Weight against ya Conscious But Loves comin I swear it and i promise..Be Patient and Wait |
Good battle right here...
Lyriclesolja: like how you approached the topic in a more abstract way, makes reader think about it a bit more. Vocab was simple but it made the drop more powerful. I feel it's more an emotional piece than a imagery one...Was definitely an interesting read.* (Jimmy Pocketz): nice drop here, had strong emotion as well as nice imagery. Vocab was excellent, right on point. I love the last lines how they soothe the person, letting them know they have to be patient and all. Was a nice twist right there, excellent piece... My vote goes to (Jimmy Pocketz) because I feel he managed to combine imagery and emotion so well, no hate to Lyriclesolja though! |
Liricle....your shit was pretty ok..... good imagery/ emotion but just a little too simplisical. I think that you coulda definatly anted up on this one forsure. I think that by starting out with "yo" kinda deflated some of the autheticity of your piece... your vocab could use a little uppin too> this is just my opinion
Pocketz > Good peice> your approach was more indepth/ thought higher... better vocab/ flow, immagery was pretty good. for this you steal my vote ztekcoP = etoV |
Total Breakdown
LS Aii Man I Like the way thought you come with your own original way of Doin your verse and even your lines came with much originality so that was one good thing BUT you didnt have that climax taht i was looking for that specaily hook that would make me go .....Oh ok !! ....get wat im sayin ? So Basically You Left me hanging on a broken limb ( Your story line didnt supply what i was lookin for ) J. Pocketz Aii Man You Came out and you did ya thing you shorten your piece Which is very unusual to see in a Poem LOL j.k but you was very original not much imigary but you did supply a good story line ( to me ) so If i had to give this battle to anybody itd be you RTF in my Poetry / Topical Battle |
mmm, lets see.
LS: i must say that your ryhme scheme is off, (no hate) but i think this is a shitty drop. you could have wrote a little bit of better verse for this. you stayed on point atleast, but the structure through me off most of the time. JP: well, this is something im going to tell you but fo take it so offensive, dont ever use italics again, it throws the reader off, you dont write these things for looks. but i do like the structure bieng foreplayed. the story line was nicely put forth. stayed on point with the keys. very short verse in my point in view but. this verse gave you the winning cast. VOTE: JP REASON: his structure was nice, stayed on point with the verse, overall a very good concept. |
Pocketz wins .
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