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-   -   Love Leaves You Broken (http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=192646)

Macca 05-26-05 10:47 PM

Love Leaves You Broken
 
Morning time comes and I’m not ready to see you
Never ready because your eyes tell me I’m a see through
Even if hurting my heart your way of saying thanks
I could still see my love for you in and at higher lengths
I actually am feeling alone when with the person I adore
I’m always thinking what I am doing and what I am here for
You see me as being a pest and saying I will never stop
But is it wrong to express the hurting feelings I got?
Depression is not a friend; it is a murderer in a way
I know because I constantly try to kill myself everyday
I always thought it was important to spend time with me
I loved you so much but now you don't even want to see me
You said I always upset you when I wasn't there
But since when did I not love you and do nothing but care
I've failed to hold myself up from always falling down
It wasn’t coincidence that it was you that I found
I’ve waited and it seem like years but you never changed
I’m wondering if the things you say about love is a game
You may say it is not a game but I’ve never saw you true
I looked at our situation, nothing changed when it came to you
You ask me to wait and I ask for what. God only knew
The fears I had started to slowly fade away and I believed you
But when I noticed no change from you I was the stupid one
I was so pathetic and it’s like only I cared at what you done
Loving you was like a battle and I lost the day we met
Trying to regain my dignity but filled with too much of the regrets
We both could have together as two made into one
But I admit while hurting this is was the battle you won

Jbyrd 05-26-05 10:58 PM

Sick...man...sick

Macca 05-26-05 11:00 PM

what the hell was that. leave real feed. OMG

Jbyrd 05-26-05 11:04 PM

ok you put yur emoctions in this piece. you known what you what to write and write it...

Paranoid 05-26-05 11:40 PM

well the stucture is good imagery is pretty decent your complexity could be a lot better up the vocabulary a lot more maybe it will throw a decent complexity i also think that you could throw a refrains in there somewhere. refrain is a hook but yea overall it was pretty good good emotion as well. 1

Macca 05-28-05 03:06 PM

yo upin this shit...

Ysdat 05-29-05 03:02 PM

good structure..nice emotion bro...imagery is there...vocab could be alot better...and originality...you need to start finding diffrent topics bro!
your last 5 poems have been about love..
but seen as your rvs mr love..(lol) this is pretty good...just try some diffrent concepts to love..maybe add soem twists and shit thru out it....just so you end it with a woootwooot..ya feel?

anyway..another good love poem from you..

Macca 05-29-05 03:05 PM

ok... I like Mr Love..... uppin...

UNF 05-30-05 05:42 AM

Deep Shit My Nigga Vocabulary Was Good, Flow Was Deep Man Shit's Nice You Got To Help Me Elevate Son, Structure Was Neat And Clean I Liked The Deepness Through Out The First This Is Some Real Poetic Shit Son Holla Back Dope Shit

Macca 05-30-05 07:28 PM

lol. weerd. elevate. cool. uppin.

H-N-I-C 05-30-05 07:54 PM

Once again, a solid drop from u....I do a lotta love poems, so I can definitely appreciate this. Other than tha hard to read print and a line stretched evry blue moon, this was a very good poem 8/10

Fav Lines:

I've failed to hold myself up from always falling down
It wasn’t coincidence that it was you that I found

RTF on my poem........please

Macca 05-31-05 04:51 AM

iight. I. will. uppin. for. more. feed.


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