See what I see (Im back)
 

yo man see what i see, i see lil kids cryin "help me please",
but no1 can help them when their pops is spendin 50 on rollin up a tree
he drinks alcohol and smokes, he sits there lyin while his son chokes
he chokes on the food he has been given, food from the garbage can this aint no livin
even tho his pops beats him to death, he really loves him
but the game has gotten to him so the only thing he do good is sin
the child grows up listenin to hate music, gettin involved with gang violence
nowadays there aint no rappers talkin bout the real struggle, "can we please have a moment of silence"
from nas and quan comes a song which talks about the struggle but you dont hear this everyday
nowadays 50 cent is soundin like Marvin Gaye, We need to go back to Run DMC and walk this way


See what I see, hear what I hear
See the lil kid tremblin with fear

See the dead body layin
while the kid cries in pain, listen to what im sayin

People dyin every day,
And it’s the lil kids that be prayin.


Yo this verse is for the single mothers and fathers out there, carin for their children
every day it aint fair, for a person to act as two people
but then their strong will gets broken down when they take drugs, its lethal
their mind crazes up, forgettin what they live for, they jus dont give a fuck
then they beat their child and leave it in the pourin rain jus cos they didnt get their cocaine
thats the product of the devil, what i suggest is to stick to the right
turn on the light and realise what is right, and what is right?
its to care for your child, be their for your child,
love your child and understand, stand up tall and be a man


See what I see, hear what I hear
See the lil kid tremblin with fear

See the dead body layin
while the kid cries in pain hear what im sayin

People dyin every day,
And it’s the lil kids that be prayin.

good shit...too real 4 rv mayne. half tha cats on this site scared 2 spit tha truth and tha few that do get no feedback. tha emotion in dis was evident from tha first few lines. imagery was a strong point. try to work on structuring your lines tho. other than that it was almost perfect. i give it 4/5 mics.. return da favor in my two new open mics.....1

Thank you, im RTF now, i feel that there needs to be some reall niggas comin 2 this site ya feel me

http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=192599
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Link

uppin this cmon dont sleep on this

Ok 1st
Ur flow
Seemed extremely choppy
i do seem attempts at multi's to try and fix it but like in this line:

he chokes on the food he has been GIVEN, food from the garbage can this aint no LIViN

The words i capitled are the only ones that rhyme but the line is too long for that so either throw some more multi's in their ( 5 judgin the lengh) or shorten lines
However content wise it was a good read
Elevate my brother

thanks...upppin