|
Unburied Corpse
Unburied Corpse A troubled man diagnosed with such a terrible Disease Tormenting him, unable to walk cause of his Knees People misjudging him, apparently using Authority Serious damage to the brain, to heal is the Priority All the temptation, he couldn’t break the Frustration Every mission of possible actions, brought a Donation Fate tangling on the side, judgments over Mentality Using pathetic strategy’s, of defining perfected Fatality Tempted curses, the worst messages it doesn’t Benefit Split thoughts, creeping his dreams, he was unable to Quit Nor able to admit, his misjudgement wasn’t his Creation A lot of people debating, does he really need a Vacation? Needing decisions, a lot thought he needed an Incision Possibly trying to earn a precision, only to see the Vision Never provided with food, technically he lost Weight Unable to think straight, he fought defending his own Fate God behind every move he made, his reality pulled Strong Never wrong, depending on vocals of speech for a Song Surprising his mind, which wasn’t divine, he thought was Fine People speaking behind his back, broke his horrible Spine Reunited with his family, the strength was only Guaranteed His grand-children, young little seeds, death was Agreed He’d think apparently, waiting for the doctors special Word Every moment was absurd, even if dying was Preferred Penalizing all his thoughts, his brain shot dead as a Illusion Unable to think, his heart stopped throbbing in Confusion His family worried, with no technical clue of what Materialized The disease had spread, unable to feel he was Penalized Still in the doctors room, lying in the bed all alone just Dead His family crying, horrified with glorified thoughts to Dread |
|
great open mic..............
very good storyline that flowed from beginning to end...........the only suggestion that i would make is that it seemed that you were to concerned with the rhyming of the ending words, which made it seem choppy in some places, but practice will eliminate that........otherwise, solid om........ rate - 8.5/10 |
thanks a lot yea i kinda rushed shit. uppin
|
uppin............
|
this was a pretty good drop i was really feeling it nice job you had lots of emotions , and good imagery, very creative topic..Nice wordplay na vocab , nice worden i was really feeling it, structure and flow was on point it was really a good drop..keep it up
|
Unable to think, his heart stopped throbbing in Confusion
^^^ cool ass metaphor... little subtle but i think i got it. |
thanks a lot.
uppin |
good emotion in this bro! I like the way you use diffrent imagery to have an original line. you have a good range of vocab. I liked this drop....
|
thanks a lot uppin..
|
wow, you really have elevated. you one of the members on here, who try to make their drops better, i'm proud of you and glad to see you dropping hot stuff like this..
favorite set up: Surprising his mind, which wasn’t divine, he thought was Fine People speaking behind his back, broke his horrible Spine Reunited with his family, the strength was only Guaranteed His grand-children, young little seeds, death was Agreed nice imagery, vocab was perfect for this type of drop, it flowed well throughout, kept my attention and had a nice story-line.. nice topic to branch off from it got a little wordy towards the end but for the most part it was just fine. i really am proud of you, good job.. :thumbup: |
thanks a lot Fiya and i dont hate you. i love you:love:
uppin |
uppin...........
|
uppin...........
|
uppin..........
|
| All times are GMT -4. The time now is 12:27 PM. |