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On My Own ft Atticus & The R.
On My Own Legend So many fucking dreams and not one of them came true I see no peace, and hell to me seems like a rendezvous Heaven may be a dream but my faith will always remain I’m going to keep trying and my loving will always sustain The Devil is playing around with my only happy viewings Sometimes people tend to forget that even I got feelings I asked for a solitary path and yet god had give me two I had no occasion at all. Once I saw I just had to choose To make it to heaven you’re going to go through hell Obstacles won’t be ignored even though I’m compelled Like everyone else, before I learned to walk I had to crawl But every single day I feel like I’m only getting up to fall I can’t see my path what is going to be lighting the sky Hate is all I see & people never cared when love passed by Chorus Each day we are all watching our time fly out the window I see it all in your eyes and you wishing you never been low Fighting to change the world was like us fighting against our will I never knew that I would feel like I don’t need to be alone To feel like I’m all on my own Atticus The World Frail As Hail Storms Form, A Girls Fetus Impaled By Needles Of Evil, America Bleed Us! It Seems Unjust In Scale. Another Pregnant, Loving Mother Shuving Mother's Pressures Letting A Stressing Belly Nothing But Her Mothers Lectures Setting Swelling On Anxiety's Long Awaited Dwelling... "Thanks Baby. THANKS FOR THIS SHIT! I WAS SEEN AS A SAINT!, Maybe If I Kill It Before Morning Or Even Leave It It Will Be Plain Dismissed From A Christian Mistake This Damned Play Erased." So Abortion By Force Once More Tried, Now Ordanance For ARich Daughter Who Asumes Shits Out Of Her Cordinants. Peer Pressure... Dont Let The Pressure Veer Self Choice Cuz You Never Know What Never Was More Then Choice. And This Is Our Community, Lucy Smith Gone Off The Deep End And Conformed... Aborts Her Child While All The While Her Breath Still Weakend. Chorus Each day we are all watching our time fly out the window I see it all in your eyes and you wishing you never been low Fighting to change the world was like us fighting against our will I never knew that I would feel like I don’t need to be alone To feel like I’m all on my own The Revelation What do I want to change? I want to change the pregnant teen looking for an option, To make her go through with the birth and put the child up for adoption. For the young one having to go through a painful operation, And to the athlete who is missing meals to prove to his coach he has dedication. To the young man throwing himself to a girl and landing on his face, I want to change how he thinks he has to act in order to get a date. I want to change the way people fight to resolve problems like animals, To the ones out there eating each other and planting fear into others like Hannibal. I want to change the priest who abuses his power and hurts little boys, Only a matter of time until girls become part of the authorities toys. I want to change teachers who don’t care and leave their students out to dry, I want to change how bullies feel the need to pick on others to hide how inside they die. I want to change the reputations of the south and the north and peace to this land, I want to change how people disrespect and destroy beaches by filling it with fake sand. But mostly I want to change my industry that is losing its values, Veering away from lyrics and becoming about bling, swearing, rides and shoes. If I never go down in history I want at least one thing to be said, For me, it was never about the bling, chicks, or anything that deals with that. It was only about living life and saying how I saw it, no matter how corrupt it seemed, But then this is all what I want to do, and to make reality you must first wake from a dream. |
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Verse 3 is the best. :cool:
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hmm Macca was good good stucture good flow nice outter rhyme scheme inner rhyme scheme was garbage emotion wasn't really there magery was good though Atticus was probably the best in this good stucture good flow and i liked his complexity throughout the his part the inner rhyme scheme was was and so was the outter rhyme scheme The Rev um i thought his lines were streched and stucture was a little off all though he had a superior outter rhyme scheme and a decent inner rhyme scheme his imagery was good but i just didnt feel it quite much but overall i liked this om. 1
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wowo..... uppin.....
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Wow, I Didnt Think This Was Ever Gonna Go Up...
I Thought The Verses Were All Done And Ready Like Three Weeks Ago... Whatever Though, Nice Job... And Thanks For The Love Para... .One. |
legend - nice drop with good flow and structure. wasn't feeling the imagery though. emotion was pretty dece...overall a solid verse the ties in nicely with the rest. you had a sick use of vocab which would surprisingly sound good on an audio...
atticus- nothing bad to say. outstanding use of vocab, imagery and good emotion too. some structure was off but the syllable count was all there which is what really matters. nice revelation- your verse would sound dope on audio and it looked like that was what you were writing it for with the way you structured it and the "i want to change" before almost every line. Although it helped your flow, it kinda took away from the imagery because people get bored of reading that line over and over. other than that it was solid with good emotion. nice drop from you all...i wanna hear this on audio tho......pz http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=193343 |
If only my mic was better :(....
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Legend: To me your rhyme scheme had it's own touch.. they all did, but I felt yours was more set apart from the others. Your verse seemed calmer & more relaxed. I liked that. Although it did feel as if the flow slipped toward the middle of your verse (to me anyway) though it might have just been the way I was reading it, who knows. I also noticed you mixed up your vocab. (wasn’t flooded with multies and big words.. I tend to get carried away with that Hah), made it simply easier to read. Excellent piece man, keep it up.
Atticus: Loved the vocab. in your piece. Didn’t care for the redundant plot, but fuck it you did it justice. The best past in your verse for me was your flow (and some what your emotion) I didn’t care for the large dialog of the mother, but it wouldn’t have worked without it, great job my Chryme. Rev: I might say I liked your verse the best. The main reason being the Flow. Your piece was very nearly fluid, loved it. I liked your sense of reality, you portrayed that very well. I felt you ended a little weak though, however it might just be the way I thought you MIGHT have been going when I started and wasn’t expecting that outcome. Nicely done. Overall: 8.5/10 Great collab, you three wrote well together keep it up. hope to see more. Peace. RTF. |
weerd. thanx for the love all of you.... uppin....
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uppin this shit.......
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Uppin the piece to the top of 'neglect'.
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Great collab, great structure, flow was good, verses flowed great. Both yall dope, catchy chorus, hot drop im feelin you, RTF on my "Know ya roots" OM please
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There's 3 of us. :huh:
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uppin. leave some feed.
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