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-   -   suicidal mind (http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=194456)

SNE DAWG 06-09-05 11:30 AM

suicidal mind
 


everyday he walks in the street wit a faked smile
he goes to a hiden place n´and reflect´s for a while
no one nows he is anotha nigga wit a suicidal mind
no one can see him, is like the world is blind
he suffers because of the sadness he embraced
its like god put us in this world, like pawns placed
feels like the only way out is blowin your brains
no one knows you until they see the blood stains
try to cry for help but your trapped in the chains
the guns there you can have it n´finish this 4 good
but youll remember your momma cryin in the place where your body stood
the times when you locked up your room and played the music out loud
your brains all over the wall being watch by a curious crowd
the people cryin cause anotha young nigga died
but they dont know the pressure that you everyday cried
there standing, the people that saw you deep in the eyes
neva helped in your suffering, jus saw time as it flies
but now is too late 4 comin back
cause no one can dodge death wit a trap.....

SNE DAWG 06-09-05 11:31 AM

http://community.rapverse.com/showt...795#post2203795

SNE DAWG 06-09-05 12:25 PM

comon niggaz gimme sum feedback

K-Trini 06-09-05 02:36 PM

Well,it was Ok.Flow was off at certain points however.Basic rhyme scheme but don't matter.

As for ur content....something of this topic needs to be packed with mind-blowing metas.U had some decent ones but nothing special.This was a decent verse...but didn't paint an image that'd stay with the reader for a long time.~1~

B.I.G. 06-09-05 09:03 PM

keep up with worldplay. vocab aight, flow, structure aight, creativity excelent, a lil rhyme forcing... keep up nigga.....

RTF.... c'mon

SNE DAWG 06-14-05 11:35 AM

aight..thanks 4 the feed

Pollo Deshuesado 06-20-05 11:50 PM

Man... that's why I see you ain't gettin no feedback

elevate man!!!!!!....u need a lot of everything, I'd say 2 out of 10..... don't hate me, this is just feedback.....

Pollo Deshuesado 06-20-05 11:51 PM

"no one can see him, is like the world is blind"

wtf??? this line is mine!!!!!!

SNE DAWG 06-20-05 11:53 PM

wtf is wit you dawg you followin all ma post n´sayin is wack n´shit......dawg you aint gettin me banned the more you try

Pollo Deshuesado 06-20-05 11:59 PM

I kind of liked you man you dissapointing me...I just say the truth

you bited my lines...... thats outta the question

(and you know that cuz I sent you that email and u said it was whack.. then you bit lines from me)

SNE DAWG 06-21-05 12:01 AM

you neva sent me an email......stop sayin crap..........

Pollo Deshuesado 06-21-05 12:06 AM

Hater????......you the hater

I'm protecting my lines

SNE DAWG 06-21-05 12:10 AM

you know what......fuck this evrybody here knows you a liar am out......(I do hav a life dawg you betta get yourself one n´try to get your ass off the computer)

B.I.G. 06-21-05 12:25 AM

chill out nigga!!!!!!!!!! you bit him and thats all.... now chill and continue ur "life"

Control Freq 06-21-05 03:13 AM

Kurt Cobain is my grandma


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