Criminal Mind
 

http://community.rapverse.com/showt...d=1#post2206900

The feet that step on me have laid the tracks to madness
Because I’ve been reduced to nothing more then a pathetic sad bitch
The spitting image of loser deserving much to get spat at
The type of girl to strike out when needed the most at bat
I’m prone to accidents, matter of fact my birth was one
And people constantly throw eggs at me…by the dozens
The picture off my dead mother talks and faintly remains me to,
Stay within myself, and just try hard to give it a day or two
A day of more work, as I get pushed back to the dust of the shelf
Cause the request for some rest is denied; yet it is a must in my health
They’ve taken so much from me, what else little can I do?
So I just lower my head when they ask, “Can I step on you”?
The little old picture ripped and that’s when the depression hit,
As I sit alone again ranting raving saying, “I can’t take this shit!”
I come to work soon after, getting greetings of fake cheer
As I wearily beat my chest screaming, “I’ve got this pain here!”
I race towards the roof, with pistol handy set and ready
And I finally feel confident, not shaking, just easy and steady
I grab a faint face figure, standing bored, doing nothing and idle
As people yell the words I tell my mirror, “Are you fucking suicidal?”
I’m at the roof chuckling, as the rays and wind hit this ugly duckling
And raise the pistol ominously intending exactly in proving something
The barrel to the head of this girl, was gentle but she’s in fright
Cause I don’t think she’s ever spent a lonely lunchtime at this height
The helicopters move in closer the film rolls and the air gets thick
I edge out even closer and I hear the thuds of a falling brick
I let go of the girl still cocking the gun back focusing at her
This is the craziest thing ever, yet I couldn’t be any bit gladder
This criminal is going to hell, as you probably want some proof
Well I committed my own crime; cause I went and jumped off the roof

Damn......dat shit was deep.........i was reallin feelin that Ma..im really feelin watcha droppin N im sure im gonna like anything else u drop, the flow was nice But there was a few lines that threw me off abit but nuffin enuff to have me thinkin it wasnt nice.....So keep it up the good work. RTF N keep reppin


Holla Atta dolla

i thought u wuz suppose 2 be syck ma? :evilgrin:

im only playing, it wuz str8...good use ov emotion & meaningful lyricz, flow wuz good throughout, culd use a lil more creativity in yo wordplay, but it wuz still a good read....7.5/10, good job lady, do yo' thang

Pretty Good Ma!Some linez thru me off also!but the whole vers was nice!wordplay was alright but didnt really see that much imaginary concept!strcture wa kewl!but other than that ma it wa nice!KEEP IT UP MA n holla back atcha boy!
Pleaz RTF In Ma COLLAB WITH STANZA!

real deep, sum very good linez you got there, you got me feelin this shit...I hope I can see more of what cha drop

As stated before I'd have to say Deep...nice mindful drop on this one...I'm not sure what else to say on this other than it was nice and got about a 8 on a scale of 10.....oh some fave lines....

"Stay within myself, and just try hard to give it a day or two
A day of more work, as I get pushed back to the dust of the shelf"

"I race towards the roof, with pistol handy set and ready
And I finally feel confident, not shaking, just easy and steady"

I liked those best.

this was v. nice
very vivid, had good flow and the whole message was on point
great verse, just experiment other thechniques
keep it up, i was def feelin this
~1

thx fo da feed and ill try to rtf by tomorrow nite

rtf on my drop ''im a animal'' itz dope :)

uppiin fo more feed

Damn, this shit was deep. Nice shit. Nice imagination put into it too...I was feelin this. Hard drop. Rep for LL....


We Getz Busy!

do you do poetry ma..you should if you don't..
this was cool..nothing new lryically..just good emotion an so on...
it's nice to see other femcee around here tho..keep it up..

thx fo da feedback open fo more