UnHappy
 

http://community.rapverse.com/showt...d=1#post2223852



Live Life Unhappy and I Stick with this Feeling
They always Come Drastic and Im Sick with Just Dealing
Holdin On Everything, I Wanna Lose Grip
This whole Life of Grief To Me Just Seems Kinda Useless
I Don’t Care How You View It, My Shoes You Never Walked
And Everyday Im Lost, Caught Without a Thought
Takin Walks The Park to Help Me Clear My Mind
Cuz Its Not Understandable, I Cant Control or Fight
It Seems Harder Every Night and I Hate to Admit it
I Stay Unforgiven In This Life That Im Livin
Its Trife How Im Dealin When Nuthin goes 2 Plan
We All Pray to The Sky But Never Seen This Man
Feel Disgusted With These Hands That Are Writing These Lyrics
No Reflection Of a Chance Cuz Im Dying In Spirit
I Find That Im Nearing The End Of Me Caring
Cuz Everything I Worked for Is Blind Like ur Hearing

My Views So Corrupted Im Just Not Seeing Straight
No Use Into Cussin, Makin Anger Elevate
With This Breath I Intake, I Feel So Poisoned
Cuz My Life is Misleaded Into Wrong roads Chosen
We All Go broken, But Theres No repair for me
Cuz The only Thing to Mend It Doesn’t Want to be
Im In A Game Being Played and I Simply Hate It
Requesting for Different Ways to Overcome These Stages
Every Moment That I Waken Must Be Mistakin
For The Fact That Ive Asked For These Past Couple Ages
To Actually Have a Break And You Won’t Even Listen
Wonder Why Im Unhappy But Don’t See My Vision
A Focus So Drivin Along The Wrong Path
They say The Weak Never prosper, Only the Strong Last
Hopefully among that im goin to come back
Knowing that some facts are false in they stats

Good shit right there.... I feel you started out better than you finished... although then end was still good... "Feel Disgusted With These Hands That Are Writing These Lyrics,No Reflection Of a Chance Cuz Im Dying In Spirit that." line write there was glazed with sexyness... lol, nice emotion in this peice aswell... I hope to see more from you in the future....

uppppppppiiiiiiinnnnnnn

Boooorrrrrrrrrring.
Boooorrrrrrrrrring.
Boooorrrrrrrrrring.
Boooorrrrrrrrrring.

Seriously....I got drowsy readin it.
LOL

Serious now.
Okay look....my advice to you to make sum iteresting or unbelievable things in your verses.Dun make some "To KIll a Mokingbird" shit .We wanna be enjoyed while readin sumtin.....we dun wanna have some opera.
Take Tupac's dear mama.
The line
"Huggin on my mama from a jail cell"

It was a very simple line but When ya first hear that line........you IMMIDEATELY say to urself"Damn".
Put sumtin like that.Get rid a dat boring shit

And be grateful I gave ya that much feedback.....considering I got beef with ya crew.(expect a verse later today about Livin Legendz too)

Keep ya head up and keep it gully
~1~

^^^omg thx fo da non needin advise from a dickrida

^^^
Ight look....I'm tring to be nice to you.I ain't got beef with you..I got beef with Daubd,M-Eazy,and Ghost.
My feedback focused on negativity because I'm sure you already know the postive aspects of ur writing ability.So now you know that you need to make ur verses mor interesting as they are too boring.
I ain't got beef with you......but if you wanna do it.......fine....watever,wat''s one more enemy.

And why the fuck am I a d/r.

that dude just mad cuz he had to have a dictionary to read that piece cuz the 2nd grade education wasnt cuttin it but aside from that this isnt bad......i would have to hear it flowed on a beat before i made a real judgement

shut the fuck up......check any one of my battles....you'd see that I have better vocab than here.Too bad I got 5 battles goin....or I'd wanna battle you and I'm sure I'd kill you with punchlines using big vocab,

this drop was pretty alright.....your emotion was strong and consistent...vocab could have been upped a lil bit, rhyme scheme was a lil too simple but you pulled it off with the emotion....work on your structure tho......

This was a nice piece n all....had some emotion...Vocab was good and had some good rhyme scheme...Structure could have been better but it was aight....but overall..9.2/10...Keep up tha good work girl....

* OH And K-Trini << Fuck outta here bitch...Givin shitty ass advice to...dumbass..

Yo i was seriously feelin the emotion in this piece. it's one of those piece that makes you empathise with the writer and thats why i like it so much.
In this case the level of vocab don't really matter cos there's a high enough level in terms of content to make up for that. Structure was ok too.
honestly, i'd give this piece 8.5 outta 10.
Peace

thx fo da feedback errybody

uuuuppppppppiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnn

Nice drop, i must admit, had couple lines i could relate to
the emotion was there, but it's not what kept my interest
Your structure was dope, flow fell in some parts, 1 or 2 i think
but overally i was impressed, i saw the title and was like,
"not another sad story"/played concept, but you shocked me
8/10 all it's missing is a really good hook....deUce

yo i think the emotion was strong....i can relate to this piece in some ways. keep it comen .7/10