my dream
 

http://community.rapverse.com/showt...d=1#post2224240


i think it's one of my best, but then again, it was a really odd dream...

I felt like I was dying today when I was lying in a haze//
My body was weak and light-headed as if I were flying away//
Vibrant rays shined through the sky and a dove met a rainbow’s arc//
A mesmerizing beauty was present, but as I became aware, it all turned dark//
Flagrance has taken the place of a vision as exquisite as lace//
Demonic beings waited at the gates as I began to set pace// (wordplay for ‘walk’)
I could sense that something was wrong but I chose to go on//
Because I was taught to be strong and felt like Desiree was coming along//
I embarked on my journey, entered and observed my newfound realm//
Minions slavishly working for their goliath patrons gathered beside an elm//
Mendicants grovel by the adobe perimeter and as the fiends approached to overwhelm//
I suddenly lost my sense of control and felt as though my movement I could not helm//
As I glanced at the peccant figures, they appeared to be performing a ritual dance//
Curiosity didn’t even cross my thoughts; I fell into a detrimental trance//
I began to ruin all objects strategically placed in my peripheral sight//
I felt with every thing I destroyed, I accumulated a preferential might//
Soon, the entire area was cleared, short of the devils and spears//
That I used to kill the minions that were less than half a mile near//
I saw a white light before me, but felt that black was being presented//
I heard screams of the evil beings when they viewed the color they resented//
Then I flash back to my childhood, I was sitting on the rusty swings without my hands//
That Desiree and I sat for hours while watching our feet draw dusty rings in the sand//
We used to compete for the highest level of space between the ground and our seat//
Then we would count to three, jump off the swing, and try to land on our feet//
But what I saw was simply a playground without anyone else around//
Hoping to talk with Dezi, I tried to see her but flipping myself upside down//
Suddenly, I felt white and saw black and heard only her voice//
Saying softly, “you can wake up Em, if that is your choice”//
I contemplated what to do however, my eyes automatically opened my sight//
I flipped out; I felt my eyes were at least ajar, but I couldn’t see any light//
And then I placed my hands to my face, and felt a mass of fur//
Then threw Tabitha off of me hastily, I didn’t care if I offended her//
I often ponder about the images when I observe repeated dreams//
But I’m smart enough to know that nothing is ever what it seems//


:::things to know:::
-Desiree usually called me "em" rather than "steph" (desiree was my best friend who died 2 years ago rip)
- "tabitha" is my cat

Dayum...this was deep.Really enjoyable read.Vocab was on point..structure was good...and the emotion was crazy...cant really say anything bad.You deffo got mad talent at writin..good to see another good topical head join the site...i liked the way you wrote about your dream...worked it real well...i dont really rate pieces..if i enjoy it then i enjoy it..and i really enjoyed this...keep em comin mami...you should try out for R.A.W aswell if u decide to hook up with a crew...its in the crew forums..jus say i sent ya...

sorry to hear about your friend aswell...im sure she'd be proud if she read this...R.I.P Desiree...wun

thank you on both accounts. I'm not looking for a crew or anything right now, but i'll keep it in mind. uppin

yep das talent right der

good flow
good volcab
good concent (tru life)

overall hot ####...... lookin forward to mor posts


p.s .......... drop a reply to dis plz....... return d favour, peace

http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=195552 <-- clik link

Ayo this was nice and was really deep....You really show cassin ya skills early im seeing mad potential and promise in you. Keep doing ya thang everything was on point from what i can see and there very lil things you need to improve on hopefully i'll be able to do a collab with you in the future

Holla Atta Dolla

this was good, great use of emotions and imagery....vocab and structure were good, good job, keep it up

Aight gurl, I'll break this piece down for you...you can always RTF on any of links in my sig but ya don't need to

I really enjoyed reading this because once I started, I had to continue and see what followed next. I cannot really decide which aspect I found best: imagery or emotion. I feel that your imagery contributed so much to the emotion, like you were saying what you were feeling throughout certain images. Vocabulary was definitely at point, didn't overdo it but didn't keep it simple either.

You really made your dream visual to the readers, flow was okay and only "bad" thing I can say is skip the // at the end, it's not necessary. But who cares about that anyway? The content matters and that was so strong. Raw and pure, written from the heart.

Keep it up girl :thumbup:

thank you DQ, i will be sure to return the favor :D

this was one a dem...raw peices dat da fam iz droppin, once i kept readin i juz didnt wanna stop it wuz real nyce yo, u holdin it down an rest in peace 2 desi....uppin diz 4 da homegurl femmina

anybody have any criticism?