|
Indephz (0-1) vs. Phorge (0-0)
Battles up Monday - Check In by Wednesday - Drop by Friday - Votes by Sunday
No line limit and the battler with most votes by Sunday night is the winner. If this is a topical battle, write a topical and not a poetic drop and the same is vice a versa. Extensions must be asked for by Thursday night by pming any of the mods (Drakel & Drama Queen). No extensions will be given 4 if asked 4 on Friday night. Extensions are only given till Sunday night at the most. If you dont ask for an extention, and drop whenever you feel like it you will be disqualified] Do not abuse extentions, they are not to be used if you're just too lazy to drop within the confines of the circumstances. Leave reasonable explanation for your absense. If the League notices you are a slacker due to this nature you will be banned for being out-right slothfully callous. Don't ho-show because you will be banned if you do it twice. We can understand you cannot drop due to certain circumstances but if this happens a second time, you're banned from the league for 2 weeks. If you signed up for both leagues and you no-show in one league twice, you will be banned in both leagues! Try to limit the freeposts, we have a chat/beef thread for that. Also give fully explained votes, if not your votes won't count! New rule: first to get 3 votes wins by KO Your Topic: Break The Routine |
Checking in this..
|
Checkin in.....
|
PLEASE READ IT ALL FOR GOD'S SAKE OMFG PLEASE ACTUALLY READ IT Break Routine (done through the eyes of the son witnessing family friction) Febuary 15th,Valentines day arrives late. Pop's thought of it,could of slipped through his mindstate. Mom's emotion seems broken...Dunno if its makin' her mad. "You can't do a handshake with one hand",the whole bases of fam is branded,deep in DNA,The cliterous and semen made,me a face. tho I seem to make them argue....I ponder on gathered ocasions. Peace won't just be brief but streak if I went away then. Run away attempts seem clice,can love evaporate? they used to chat away,but now they just nod... an evacuate. Should I beg or pay.... god for patterns familiar. And the way mother motions late is rather peculiar But I can't tell daddy he'd kill her,batter and peel her. I've seen they way he looks at her dinner,family gatherin sinners My close leering eyes noticed how the patterns have differed. March 30th,marking the birth of my cell. their mission "don't forget it",I'm almost certain they failed. probably working to hard,or hearts still broken an scarred. cause last week we've spotted mother,not a church but a bar. conversating with satan himself,not in a litteral force but just the way of his work,I can see the pitch in his fork. he really distorted,my vision of perfect. My family's flaws is impossible,the task to fix it is urgent. I'm beggin pop please kiss her,she love,noone above you. I visit his lens, his vision sentenses "fuck you". I choked the phrase "its still my day of birth" but I felt to spell the words,might make it worse. I travled to my room,my tears just kissed the sheets. after it dripped from my lip, and I grit my teeth. Ecstacy is a distant street...my eyes missed the peace. April 1st,the air wears an auroma tense. No more barriers your emotions an open fense. The once thought marital tactic,to carry the magic in history it only engraved a chapter of terrible damage Each peive the being carried,they were speaking out. Calm it down,I beg "don't alert police with sound" I said, "for god's sake you don't need to shout!" I'm thinkin' now....They said moms movin out,but its april 1st. this could be all be a joke,so okay it worked. "I'll put your bags in the room" I said but noone was laughin a tune. I cried "I will fuckin kill dad if you moved!" But she was packin' her shoes... "I said ok I'll bash myself till I'm black and I'm blue".. which I happen to do.But she left in a second. My head strechin' in sections.Why couldn't my home be blessed ... .. . ...with effection. |
Break the routine.
Day in and day out, my duty calls upon all my strength.. A vigorous routine leaves my outlook on life stretched.. Saving lives, a gruelling & adrenaline pumping task to commit yourselve to.. Especially pronouncing to grieving families their loved one didn't come through.. You get the screams of anguish, rampaging through halls, the pounding of fists.. Sometimes the sight of another person coping with pain, urges me to spill my wrists.. But I've see enough claret, I wouldn't want my son, or daughter seeing my corpse.. Or growing up without me, even in the calmest winds I wouldn't be able to handle the thought.. The sirens shouting, casualties wheezing, coughing, & writhing with agony in the back.. Of the ambulance, but this victim seems to be different hes calling my name "Jack".. "C-Come to..to me". So I do as he says and I tend to his needs, & dampen his cuts.. He knew he didn't have much time left, and yet I thought he hadn't asked for much.. Which was to bid farewell to his kids, so I felt for him as I was thinking the same before.. Arms dangling, scraping the ambulance floor. I managed to haul him up & walk to the door.. His kids answered, their faces struck with horror as their father reached out to them.. I sat him on the porch, & left him with his kids, as the love between them stemmed.. They hugged, tears crept and snuck out the corner of my eye, but the kids screamed.. Their dad had slipped past the light at the end of the tunnel, for his spirit had been freed.. His slumped remains reminded me of my job, I snapped out the parental state of mind.. It's my fault, if I followed procedures there might of been a slight chance he survived.. Saving people fulfilling God's job with less power, unreliable I'd been deemed.. & that was the one fatal fault in my life, for a break in the routine.. |
ok wow both of u did a good job on this very good but indeph was way better at vocabulary, creativity and structure but good job to both all u did a good job but i was feeling more indeph piece was better but good job ok
v//indeph |
1ndeph: beautiful piece in my opinion, I love how you approached the topic that was given. Emotion was without a doubt the most powerful aspect of your piece, it was so raw and pure. Imagery was there too of course, it was like watching a movie in different scenes. Story developed nicely, kept the reader focussed. Flow was good, vocab was on point and structure was nice with the division into different parts.
Phorge: your piece had a real poetic vibe over it actually, lines were stretched so the flow wasn't really there. The vocab was excellent, story developed nicely even though your structure sometimes made it hard to follow. Imagery was nice but the emotion was strongest of course, I love your approach of the topic and why the person broke the routine. A nice piece! My vote goes to 1ndeph because I got more a topical feeling of his, other than that both pieces were at a very high level. Props! |
wow, this was one hell of a battle
the vocab was superb as was the imagery my vote got to indeph because i was feeling his verse a lil bit more but Phorge yours was really hot too. keep it up |
DAMN DAMN DAMN
Indeph won but DAMN Both had real good imagery in da peice, concepts & schemes were flawless frum each ov u, i feel NDEPHZ PEICE HAD A LITTLE MORE EMOTION & DA ORDING OV HIS LINES WUZ A GOOD READ WITH LOTZ OVCREATIVITY Phorge ur peice wuzflawless mayn, everythin wuz good frum u, Indeph got u on a emotional syde ov da attle, but again ur imagery wuz damn near outstandin I am sorry 2 actually vote against Phorge bcuz ov da verse he had, but there has 2 be a winner so Indeph getz da vote |
Closed, 1ndeph wins
|
| All times are GMT -4. The time now is 03:20 PM. |