Love Poem.
 

the love i feel for u is like a Iceage cus we b 2gether for years girl ill always be there for u to catch ya tears protect ya from ya fears the pain i feel feel is like bein stuck wit 1000 spears thinkin of ur sweet lips and voice is like a scratched CD repeating and just wont stop like a Forsaken memory kept bein thought girl ill do watever for you no matter what it is cus u my queen and im ya king girl u know my love sticks out for ya more then a mike tyson swing All I know is that we ment for eachother your the reason why ill wake up tomarrow cus our love is like a 'Deep Impact' From a hallow


so how was it lemme know uppin for sum votes. :thumbup:

man.... edit that shit into bars!!!
then i'll return with f/back!!!

Form a rhyme scheme..
The I'll critique it..

Can i get someon with atleast 250 posts to vote and none of this herb votin shit. :nono:

I thought it was okay, nothing really struck me as spectacular. You used alot of simple wordplay and metaphors. It could've been worded better, maybe then you're better lines would've stuck out more. Next time, try breaking it into bars or stanza whichever you feel more comfortable with. It represented what it's title suggested, so as for a love poem its decent. I wouldn't expect it to win any contest but that girl would like it.

o man o man o man, this is some fucked up shit, MODS MAKE A STORY FORUM OR SUMTIN cuz your the second guy ive seen write a letter type poem. but anyway, this was not eyecatching. but anyway, rhyme scheme needs alot of work, should have placed this in bars. so that the reader may understand the real deepness of this. but i like the form of wordplay in some places. to me this sounded like an intro to a part of a song bcuz of the way it was writtin. but even though i could still pin point where you were rhyming and stuff, so this was just a mediocre piece.

so Atleast its a OK poem. :thumbup:

yeah ..

Coo thx man.thumbup: