my household
 

I call it "my household" because each stanza is a different person in my household.idk what the rules or the criteria is for a poem, so idk if it really is a poem, but, here it is...

Approach my window, look and you will see what I see
Go inside my mind, sleep and you will dream what I dream
Progress through my history and you will leave a fiend
Come into my household and you will never be without me

Gaze upon her beauty she holds, you cannot see her defeat
Born into a war zone, she is strong, you cannot be her relief
Look upon her age, not a year, you cannot see what she will be
Come into her household and you will never be without she

Study his physical stature, you only believe what it seems
Live days in his life, his needs, you only see what it means
Work one hour at his job, you only beam what it redeems
Come into his household and you will never be without he

Listen when we talk, then you will see our love’s degree
Pace when we walk, you will see the path from our feet
Shout along when we fight, you will see our secret rivalry
Come into our household and you will never be without we


feedback? criticism? help? i'll return the favor

tis was ice, i like this. will edit with better feed.

wow, good job on this poem, you set up the stanza's well and let us into a part of yourself in this piece, nice vocabulary and depth here, keep it up.1

thank u, i don't know much about what excatly a poem is like how it's formatted, but i'm taking ur words for it

upping for feed... what does that mean, neway?

You held it down....was really feeling it.Everything was on point........was on the deep side. You got talent girl and you sure worked it.8/10

yeah this shit was tight girl, nice flow, nice emotion, nice structure the shit just went together.. werd.. nice ma!

even though this was a very basic approach i thought that it was still very nice.. your choice of words was alright but i think you really show some potential ... fix your format some but besides that i think you really have a nice piece here