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Dusk and life
Dusk appears strangling the horizonal twilight..
Slowly spreading grasping humanity in turmoil.. Engulfing the trails to higher beings in despite.. Dismissed thoughts waken ,we are still unloyal.. Glancing.See havoc from the distant universes.. Living dreams,yet our species is so imaginative.. Still humanity is unleashed by forbidded curses.. Raised nighskys swallthe sky, also comparative.. Ok, it is a little random and complicated but my first piece, just wanted to try it out. |
Well......we got beef.....so it's up to u whether you want to listen to my advice or not
U got it perfectly right.U were random.It sounded like this shit was keyed because you were talkin about one thing in one line.....then sumtin else in another.Try to be a justa tad more direct.This shit looks like you had sumtin to say...but couldn't get it through.Make sure you get ur point across when writing shit. |
Ite good lookin, and yes it was keyed...
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well, when your writing you stuff, try not to use such big words. emphasize your words so that poeple may understand what you r trying to say. but otherwise then that. this sounds even like a key.. but had a little emotion i couldnt really grasp the imagery side of this. i like the structure alot. its very clean. some good repitition in this.
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I liked this a lot, i am a fan of metaphors and twisting words,so i liked how this poem had these things about it, i thought it was a tad short,but i enjoyed it nonetheless, keep dropping.1
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