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Only The Dead
Fight for freedom but yet they’re jailed Wars don’t see them live through hell Failed to learn from tales of vets Glory of stories that fame never met Set to rid this world of wrong Hurled to live life too long Strong, brave, good men they’re named Medals don’t cure anguish and pain Stained by vaccines that seem to protect Exposed to disease and cared with neglect Step up The Few, The Proud Four-year sentence hazed in a cloud Loud screams barked from right to left Dark scenes sound fear that starts to set Never met good without evil The stance of balance is never equal Don’t need more to show what’s in store Cause only the dead have seen the end of the war |
feedback wanted... please
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Nice piece, diggin the concept you went with, vocab was good, not too basic but not too complex either. Emotion was great, imagery was good, I like how your poem developed, the ending was very nice too.
Solid poem! |
safe, thankkyou DQ :thumbup: :love:
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yo i was feelin dat man, That Ending Was Great, I Cud Follow Along Easily and It Hit Me With Emotion And Feeling...Good Work Cuzz, Keep Dat Up
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that was some real truth right there. i was definitely feeling that. it speaks to a lot and was very insightful. keep it up
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That was a very nie piece bro. The flow was amazing and the structure made it easy to read. The topic was very good and the vocab was right and made it flow even easier. There's not place for improvement. Maybe....ummm, nope there is no way for improvement that i can think of. 10/10
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word, thankyou!
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nice flow and wording. it wasn't so deep that i couldn't get it, but it didn't feel like it was some simple shit either. nice poem.
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Topic Likin The title..got me thinkin what your shizzle could b about y a know..
Content I liked the content yo..this shit applied on like 3 different levels to me, the piece was short in length but real deep and effective...hmmmm you should b in poetry league!!!! i was feeling it Structure Concise and PRecise....worked beautifully Imagery Vivid..really felt ic ould see everything Emotion you had fuck all emotion screamin out 2 me, werent really feeling anything from it...however poetry is not principally about emotion...still would be nice to have a lil bit Devices (metaphors/similies etc) Your diction was nice..and language wroked really well...however metaphors n similes were greatly lacking, however the poem still worked n created imagery...you did well to do that...liked these lines: Strong, brave, good men they’re named Medals don’t cure anguish and pain Stained by vaccines that seem to protect Exposed to disease and cared with neglect Problems hmmmm...i dunno..ill re-read anuva time Improve up vocab...up poetic devices - alliteratioon etc etc tec :thumbup: IF YA DNT LIKE MA FBAK….SUCK MA DICK…ITS MY OPINION YOU CAN CHOOSE TO LIKE IT OR NOT….. AS OF NOW ALL YOUR POSTS MUST BE ACCOMPANIED BY A FBAK LINK!!!!! |
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