Saint Rémy de Provence vs Kein Witz
Battle Rules:
20-30 Lines. No Crew Votes. No Recycling. No Biting. This was worked out yesterday, topic is "Scars" yo. Goodluck man, bring somethin hot. Minimum posts to vote: 20 Check in by: 07-12-05 at 09:08 AM Must drop verse in 2880 minutes after check in. |
Kein Witz has ACCEPTED this battle on 07-10-05 11:32 AM.
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Saint Rémy de Provence has ACCEPTED this battle on 07-11-05 04:20 AM.
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Scars Basking under a dull sunshine, sublime messages recieved of a brutal kind. Aureate azaleas under azimuth, to find sanctuary and a good place to hide. Flowers torn up savagely, under the morning sky gray with a pallid awning. A boy to pay for his "wrongings", since the crescent moon began yawning. Incoherent babble emanating from a dirty mouth, a pole in fingers calloused. Roots clung to mounds of ground, from roses perfect to decorate a palace. The pole shone silver, torture for a boy pursuing his only one true passion, sounds drifting from the backyard of the villa reminiscent of titans clashing. A young girl stood defiantly, in hand a leatherbound version of the Book, pigtails quivering in fear as her father called brother's hobby devil's work. Gathering up her last strengths, she charged forward swinging the Bible. She bludgeons Dad with the Book, pages leaking out speaking of disciples. The father slowly fell to the ground, revealing thorned stems ripping lips, she laid against her beloved brother, who had been a inseperatable twin. She wiped the prize-winning roses from his mouth, looking at her father, wondering if she should be alarmed by pooling blood, but she didn't bother. "Your roses aren't evil, father's holy views have always been distorted," she cried, sirens wailing down the streets, the beatings been reported. Tears flowed down her cheeks in rivulets, flowing as she heard the cars. "It's your one hobby, and you love it...wounds heal, but they leave scars." |
Why the fuck did you post this in Elevated Front Lines? Neither of us have over five wins.
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Scars
Pain.. Laced with Fear & Regret.. Rage & Anger To Slander the damn man who. Opposes my own anthlem. ..I never planned for this. Like Eminem critiqued by catholics. Manefest a dazzling land of ambience. Dramatic canvus of paradice. From rattled nights to heavy eyes. Preying for silence. Preying for rain, to drown the sound of teary eyelids. Just reminders, of this curse, in my verse. In my words it gets worse I'm a person who works. & prefers to release anger at any man who deserves it. Nobody escapes my personal verdict. Merking ya heard me? With a middle finger lingering while I'm spitting. Lyrics per minute ...quick to diss all of my critics. ...Fuck the business! I'm just in this for chedda to make a living. Free mixtapes what I'm giving, Hip hop the cultures spirit. Never told to live it...........I do for love thats in-descrimate. Infinite, intimate, innocent but scarred on large percentages. Look at the market, the wack have it mastered. & Underground cats simply complain Cause their cd sells at a bargain. With half the hype, half the promotional shows. Asking when were supposed to just blow. CEO's over the phone, talking nonsense. Its obvious with this poverty rocking us. Leaving scars in our brains. ..Ink stains of the word fame. Its arcane, the way the game is spread out. The theorys in it.. But eternal learning is what keeps the worlds spinning. Lyricists live it. For real, as rappers, its easy to get caught up in the bullshit. But after all the rain & the pain, after all the scars of the game. Ask yourself what brought you to rapping in the first place. Its that love for the music. (And btw- yes it looks as though its over the line limit, my bars are split up for flow purpose, some lines are 3 words long. So its evened out either way & only bitches complain on technicality.) |
Quote:
Front lines is for herbs :bored: |
Uppin.
Damn this been up for a good 9 or 10 hours and no votes yet. Cmon peeps where you at with the votes? |
Voted For: Saint Rémy de Provence
Aii This is my explanation Kein Man You HAd a Good Piece Its jus the Fact That You use so many Big words in one spot that you throw of your emotion and its like reading a college proffesors biography it doesnt take all those big words to get your point across remember big words wont get you know where if you emotions and your imagery aint right on target ....far ass your stroyline i ddint get what you was tryin to say bout scars bcuz your vocab threw off the point you was really tryin to get across so Ima have to say that your gonna lose this one bcuz you lacked off big time in the emotion and imagery area and those are the main keys to winning a topical battle man so sorry no hate Saint aii man first of all Id like to say that your strcuture was sloppy and someone else is gonna tell you that your structure is sloppy b4 the battle is over you should always have even lines like The way kein did his...other than that i didnt really see anything else you did wrong you had a nice start supplied a good storyline and nice emotion and imagery so Ima give my vote to you in this battle keep up the good work RTF IN any battle link in my SIg asap -peace- -stanza- |
Yo, your wrong there man, text structure is extremily limiting as to what you are able to do with it lyrically. In my verses I switch up flow and style a lot to keep it interesting. If you dont do that in rap these days you end up sounding like g-unit copies.
I would never write with the structure that kein wrote with. No dissrespect to him, its just the way that rap is evolving these days. |
Topicals just aren't rap nowadays. Stanza, you have to be an idiot to not get what I'm saying. Really. It's not 'big words'. The only thing you probably shouldn't understand is aureate and azimuth unless you're like six. Whatever.
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This was feedback posted for Saint Rémy de Provence
polls............................................. ....
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Why people checking polls and not voting?
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Upping.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!fucking vote
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Voted For: Kein Witz
wow the imagery i got from this was great u did really good good vocab i guess that could be improived on a little mmore if i had to say anything great story wooooow saint urs was boring nothin special good vocab but i didnt get great images try and think outside the box |
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