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-   -   Point of Life (http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=199441)

Black Queen 07-11-05 05:09 PM

Point of Life
 
http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=198066


First step u born into a society that really don’t need you
Cant see through mommas love, u think will never leave u
Then Use innocence as a clutch cuz in one instance u rushed
With possibilities in n’ open world right afta u finished ya lunch
Developed in stages but presented in ages wen ya birthday is next
Learned ways to flex around the rules but cannot save each step
Materialistic from the start natures ways when u do good u receive
What you would believe is obsolete cuz doin that u could deceive
Forced to conform mentally conditioned into a modern state of mind
If u late n’ behind disappoint shows its face now ya fate is inclined
Education is the way to success, be healthy keep ya weight at a less
Always sayin the best, pride is a privilege and never pay but invest
Try to impress ya peers a need to be brave now descent with fear
But when its near u protected by thinking… minds now lend a tear
Congested with role models whom always impress there morals
Having some to invest in collaboration leaving the rest in oral
Some socially advanced some totally relaxed wit all different persos
Nationalities differentiate n’ hate and now innocence hurt those
Who oppose conventional ways dying for acceptance and heard no
Warning of the ways of the world that suddenly approached them
Encroached men who crossed invisible barriers are now disposin
Of habits trying to change for a life that will eventually end
Sent from a friend preaching religion will consensually amend
The sins that are virtually non existen in the broader picture of life
Now liftin there rights suddenly god given and persistent with sight
Never born again just brain washed but content but sane’s lost
With the same cost of death but now no fear as the pains tossed
Grown older time to reminisce as u lay only under a roof
No hope as u recognize all the lies used to cover the truth
Then that day comes wen your eye level with your death bed
See how lifes pointless, reach the top and theres no next step

Christianite 07-11-05 06:24 PM

this was pretty good, good use of imagery and emotion, pretty good read, keep it up

Black Queen 07-11-05 08:51 PM

thx fo da feed uppin

Kawn Flixx 07-12-05 05:29 PM

This was a nice drop.. i was really feelin it .. nice drop..you had nice imagery..and good emotions... nice wordplay and vocab usuage..you had nice structure...good flow... some parts feel off ...but it overall was a good overall drop..keep it up ..

Black Queen 07-12-05 07:59 PM

thx errybody fo the feed

Allah 07-12-05 08:52 PM

pretty good, nice flow and some good writing, damn your a girl??? crazy, anyways feeling this alot. you really showed how good of a writer you are, only thing i would say is try to be a bit more creative next time, but good read here indeed. nice

Black Queen 07-16-05 05:22 PM

^_____________^

~Tony Green~ 07-16-05 05:46 PM

Yeah this was deep as hell I liked the whole drop some very emotional stuff First Lady of R.A.W gone make Tony Green cry LoL but it was hot I give it a 8.5/10

rtf in my om "I Aint Fuckin Wit Cha" Nominate it for OM of the month j/p but it is hott!

PrahJect 07-16-05 07:01 PM

Very good shit ma, liked the emotions and the vibes....really good 9/10...RTF to me and Tony Green "I aint fuckin wit cha"

New Meth0d 07-16-05 09:01 PM

cool keep it up

To.DA.T 07-16-05 09:33 PM

Flow was off at some points.....Decenbt rhyme sheme.Some suked like this one..

"Then Use innocence as a clutch cuz in one instance u rushed
With possibilities in n’ open world right afta u finished ya lunch"
^^^1st line was ight....but secong suked.Seemed as though you made that 2nd line just to rhyme.

Work on your metas a bit too.

Overall....A good peice....I'd give it a 7.5/10


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