RapVerse.com Community - Artik Phrost Presents: '.Rusty Bullets.'

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- - Artik Phrost Presents: '.Rusty Bullets.' (http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=200141)

Artik Phrost Presents: '.Rusty Bullets.'

im workin on my imagery and such....

.Rusty Bullets.

...As The Barrel Aims At This Dame's Main Frame
The Only Thing In My Brain; MAKE HER CONTAIN PAIN...
...Images Swerve Under The Night Sky And I Puase
The Bullet's Destination Has A Reason, But What Is My Cuase?...
...Hesitation Consumes The Essence Of My Gangsta Appeal
Eyes Twitch; I Want To Scratch My Finger's Itch, But Her Eyes?..REAL...
...Staring Down The Darkness With No Fear Of Song
This Gurl Breathes The Chilling Words..."Take Me Home"...
...Iris Flickers And Goes Dull As She Stares Cold
A Rusty Image Pierces Thru; But A Hue Of Agony Is What Her Tears Hold...
...Gun Is At Her Aid And I See A Shadow Rise And Phade
Lyke Her Reflection's Personifide; But Couldn't Comfort All Her Pain...
...My Body Shakes As I Aim Straight; Wonderin Why She's Smiling, B
Then Its Lyke Trained Frieghts; My Soul Buckles Back As I'm Hit By Reality...
...I Stand Stiff; Sweat Floods Down My Brows And Soaks My Inners
Cuz As I Drop The Gun From My Hands, I Realize...Its Me In The Mirror...

this drop had nice flow to it but structure was kinda bad....
feel me...vocabulary was nicely used...dope conept keep
em coming homegirl....~1~

overall-8/10

RTF on my OM

uhh wasnt too much here for me. it was like you were trynna use too much imagery or somethin and it messed up your flow. but you had good vocab and real nice imagery but idk i guess i was expectin more. but not bad. i give it a 8/10. keep doin ya thing and return the favor ya heard me....1...

^yu dont read cleary do yu?.....its says at the top....IM WORKING ON MY IMAGERY....thanx, though

definitely dope .. i peeped this on HF ...shits hot

this was good, imagery was the main focus and was good, vocab was decent, structure was ok, keep it up

Didn't know you dropped this in Open Mic forum, you definitely completed your mission with success. The imagery was strong, I could picture the scene in my mind with ease and you combined it with nice emotion as well. You're learning quickly for real girl, keep at it and the missions will begin again cause DQ is back from holiday :thumbup:

Good going fam!

nice verse i liked it it was very strong man fellin this one keep up the good work cause u really tried hard and made a hot om