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T.r.oo.P vs Still Motion
Battle Rules:
16 Lines Max No Crew Votes No Recycling No Biting Topic - Eating Steel Sheets Minimum posts to vote: 20 Check in by: 07-27-05 at 05:51 AM Must drop verse in 1440 minutes after check in. |
Still Motion has ACCEPTED this battle on 07-26-05 05:52 PM.
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T.r.oo.P has ACCEPTED this battle on 07-26-05 06:10 PM.
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Several demons sip semen between mattress and sheets
Others watch virgins bleeding, blood to brush their teeth Visages covered by human faces and back massages Voluptuous breast, trick your thoughts like mirages With curved gypsy hips and your eyes flirt Peeling of clothes to reveal barren caramel desert Your thirsty for the vaginal fluid, dripping into dry tongues Breath shortens as sweet words escape your spry lungs Finger foreplay decays into an oral foray… As you the hunter salivates at slow prey… Drip… Drip… The rift below explodes into electricity Short-circuiting sexual desires of tainting virginity The smoke clears, between arm lies a metallic treat As the robotic demon force feeds you steel sheets |
*Eating Steel Sheets* So i Pickup and Begin to Relish on my Decision On Whether or Not Yet to Move To this Division Of Relenquishing My Rights to the Taste of Flesh Or of Fruits that Melted Against Teeth Like Mesh No Longer the Satisfaction of My Stomach Full From Carbs and Saturateds That use to Rule My Daily Routine of Breakfest Lunch and Dinner Now i Depend on Steel..2 this i am a Beginner to The Lifestyle of Embracing my Teeth With these Steel Pallets Mistakein for Sheets The Texture is Rougher than Exspected My Bowel Movements are Fierce... So i Take it My Stomach Chooses 2 Reject It But im Trapped Upon this Here Island Where Steel is my Only Access to Survivin Even though My Throat is Becomming Coarse From the Metallic Regimine Packed with Force That is Forced and Made to Attempt to Settle Upon my Stomach Fats as Acids Begin to Wrestle And Suddenly I Begin to Feel UnAjacent to Breath As Steel Splinters begin to Enter.. My Breathing Passages...Slowly Bleeding to Death Lord have i Made the Right Decision...2 Eat These Metallic Materials...My New Diet Killed Me... So before im Vanished....Damn to these Sheets |
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Voted For: T.r.oo.P
wow weird topic but both did their thing good job yall...... TP- u had a nice imagery approach ti it and had a nice vocabulary to it as well lines were shirt but still aight not that basic and also try to work more on ur emotion there didnt feel any there but u did an aight job at it........ SM-ur piece was kinda aight u approached it good but the imagery and emotion wasnt good at all no vocabulary either there try to work on that aight..... V/ goes to troop for havn a better piece cuz of the imagery....... . . . . . PLZ RTF WIT A HONEST VOTE IN MY BATTLE LINKS IN MY SIG.....OR VOTE GETS REMOVED....Thnx u in advance...... |
Wtf i had no vocab............................................. .. LMAO
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Voted For: Still Motion
i liked your style.... Several demons sip semen between mattress and sheets Others watch virgins bleeding, blood to brush their teeth 7/10...i guess this was a pretty nice opening Visages covered by human faces and back massages Voluptuous breast, trick your thoughts like mirages 6/10...wasnt quite feelin the punch With curved gypsy hips and your eyes flirt Peeling of clothes to reveal barren caramel desert 7/10....good punch...needs a bit of elevation Your thirsty for the vaginal fluid, dripping into dry tongues Breath shortens as sweet words escape your spry lungs 8/10...Very Good Punch there Finger foreplay decays into an oral foray… As you the hunter salivates at slow prey… 7/10...it was a good punch but again needs a bit of elevation Drip… Drip… The rift below explodes into electricity Short-circuiting sexual desires of tainting virginity 8/10...pretty tight bar The smoke clears, between arm lies a metallic treat As the robotic demon force feeds you steel sheets Pretty D0pe closing 9/10 U had a very nice opning as well as the closing but some punches i wasnt fellin....ur vocab work was put in with a lot of effort and bars were nicely dropped... OVERALL VOTE: Still Motion Vote disqualified for inadequate feedback. Please see this thread if you need help on what qualifies as an acceptable explanation. |
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Voted For: T.r.oo.P
Troop stuck to the topic more and his flowed better both of the structure were preety good i was liking troops vocab too but still motion did good to but i think troop got this by a hair vote-troop(NO HATE) plz return the favor http://community.rapverse.com/showb...236#post2328236 Vote disqualified for inadequate feedback. Please see this thread if you need help on what qualifies as an acceptable explanation. |
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