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L. Veracity vs. Hopesfall
You can find the rules if you follow this link: !Rules! Read em... Check in by Wednesday Pieces due by Friday Voting closes by Sunday Topic: The world is one big show |
*hits pen*
is this thing on? :confused: |
Wtf, like The Truman Show?
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in the beginning it was just a bunch of "Happy Days"
see the "Days Of Our Lives" were like the sunny month of May it was us like "Lavern & Shirley" along on our merry ways... "All My Children" and hers were like sisters and brothers it was "All In The Family"...but from different fathers and mothers their eyes told stories that led my soul home like a "Guiding Light" my heart was "Lost" no longer "In The Heat Of The Night" now it seems these "Dirty Jobs" make me wanna "Kill Reality" cuz my mind was in "The Dead Zone" but my body in "The O.C." feeling my essence abducted like "The 4400" while I'm unseen not "Charmed"...my thoughts are obscene like a porno scene fighting life itself but I'm no "Xena: Warrior Princess" it's like I'm the "Weakest Link" just trying to relieve stress let the "Fear Factor" increase like spins on "Wheel Of Fortune" and bomb like "The Price Is Right"...I'm torn and tortured wishing I'd be "Joan Of Arcadia" I'm praying and "Waiting For God" while stuck in my nonchelaunt fecod, angry at me and "Mad About You" slow memories of family crashing like rocks to waves as I "Baywatch" in a "Wall$treet Week" my future is unsought, bring the on-slaught no time to "Make The Connection" or even ask for "H.E.L.P." yet it's always "Half & Half" on my life, cuz the sweetner's fake like fairie tale "Good Times" films in the "Hallmark Hall Of Fame" |
Dont touch it, hes the unforgivable one now,
Get the knife out of his hand, get him to calm down! My mothers words, piercing like a knife, Life's a struggle, thats not worth the fight, My world taken away, my heart is deducted... Disrupted, all this criticism, but wheres the constructive? Tears seep down my face as the worlds shred this place's, Innocence, knees week so i embrace my disgrace, Door locked, awaiting punishment, im so sorry, But i cant take the yelling anymore, the lord's calling, My life is examined with the finest of instruments, They call me stupid, an accident, i cant even find all the synonyms! My time is so limited! Trying to combine all the sentiments! Life... Should not be this tough! But its my time! And its rough, Remember, me... always! NEVER! you helped end my day! Study my life, as if its a show, NEVER! watch me that way! I am NOT some kid who needs criticism daily! You call that HELP when it's love that im craving! I dont need your help anymore, FIND me helpless, You just added to the pain, that i had dealt with! Goodbye. Oh my god! my son killed himself! what have i done! I took everything away, even his gun! You did this to me mother. I am not a television. |
i dun think Hopesfall addressed the theme of one big show unless I messed the point
I like's LVs use of wordplay with the shows... however, some lines were contrived (forced)...e.g., "sunny like MaY"...wuts so sunny about May? I think June or July is sunnier... neway I vote LV because her verse was more creative Vote: LV |
Lyrical Veracity wins....VOte - LV
LV- 1)creative angle 2)forced lines 3)after about half of it, its borin as fuck Hopesfall 1)v. creative angle 2)flowed horribly 3)decent imagery 4)not concise 5)a bit simplisticly explored VOTE - LV |
Quote:
Ehh, i just meant like i dont like people watching me as if im a show, like i dont want to be criticized... I thought his approach was cheesy, dropping TV show names, that doesnt take any creativity at all. |
L. Veracity
Aight, first of all props for being able to get all em shows in there lolz. Pretty creative approach without a doubt. In the beginning I could follow the storyline but as it continued I feel it suffered because of all the shows you blended in. Had a bit of imagery throughout the pictures you were using, emotion was good, expressed the thoughts and feelings of the person. Besides all the names of the shows I don't see real connection with the topic you know, I would've liked to see more of a story too you know. Flow was very good as well as vocab. Hopesfall You had a creative approach as well in my opinion, a more poetic approach actually which I liked more than L. Veracity's. The imagery was definitely there, expressed a good picture of the situation and such. The emotion was strong, clearly portrayed the feelings running through the person's head. Storyline was interesting although I would've liked to see you expand a bit more, go a little more into detail. The vocabulary was on point, might have been a bit upped but overall it was okay, found a cool balance between basic and complex. Flow was off quite often which sometimes killed the line. Tough battle to decide in actually: props to LV for blending in all those shows but the storyline suffered because of it, Hopesfall had creative approach too but should have gone more indepth about it... In the end, I'ma vote for Hopesfall because I felt his approach a bit more... |
Oddly enough one of the best topical people on the site, votes for me.
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L. Veracity wins and advances to the second round
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