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Souljah vs. Illumatic
You can find the rules if you follow this link: !Rules! Read em... Check in by Wednesday Pieces due by Friday Voting closes by Sunday Topic: Memories Never Last |
Checkin in right about now.......
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Memories Never Last: Consumed by Amnesia It's like they all in the distant past, my memories never last, What am i doin here? How come all this time's already passed? Like a nightmare, dunno how the hell i got to where i am, Why can't i recall a thing, man i fail to understand, I'm feelin sick in my stomach i'm strugglin to breathe, I'm goin into shock, shit i'm about to heave........................................... I'm back to square one, clueless in my vomit stained clothes, Ain't got nowhere to go, i need to find someone who knows People walk past me, lookin at me like i got two heads, Maybe i'm in the afterlife meybe i'm already dead, Nah i'm confused but, nah fuck that, that idea is crazy, Feels like i'm goin insane, everything is startin to phase me, I'm paranoid, feels like someone somewhere is messin with me, I laugh and shout aloud, "why is somebody testin me g?" Now i look around, i'm seein people pacing past me, My hearts beating rapidly, my heart is pounding fast g I don't where i'm goin, don't know how the hell i got here, Passer by puts her hand on my head "you're feeling hot here" I'm like "why are you touching me", i push her away and run Can take it no more, i run in front of a truck, now i'm done............. |
illumatic is no longer your opponent............drama queen has put me in his place cuz i shud've been in this anyway............so i'll drop later tonite....
Sixth Sense vs. Still Motion High Class vs. TrooP Daubs vs. opt1k Spoken Word vs. Daemon |
-Memories Never Last- I read my mind like a book but for some reason I’m missing pages Stripped away day by day, I can’t remember back to my early ages Tears fall for my forgotten times and inside I feel heartless As new memories take their place, old ones are cast into darkness Every second I try to push my mind and make it rewind But new images and thoughts build a wall that I can’t get behind An enclosed storage space housing the memories time forgot Left alone in the shadows where they decay and they rot I stare into a picture of myself back in a cold night in December But all that stares back are visions of a time I can’t remember With thoughts and places beyond a line that can’t be crossed I step into familiar surroundings and yet still………I am lost Clawing my way through a vast maze attempting to reach the past But there is no exit from this tomb, because memories never last -Or Do They......- But memories can live on; they get passed on through each generation I mean, how else could we obtain a depiction of the world’s creation Memories are merely hidden, but through evolution they survive That is why we have humans experiencing déjÃ- vu of times from past lives Memories may elude us and where they go could remain a mystery But if memories never last, then how are we humans creating history The fact is we hold them all the time, memories can never die That is how people can obtain thoughts of ancestors gone by They may get locked away but our memories will forever be People never forget, some are merely just struggling to find the key |
both did good but soujah ur verse was aight didnt feel alot of imagery in ur verse or that of emotion either u need to work on that aight man but it was an aight piece u did mad keep elevatin......KS....on the other hand did a very good job had the imagery there and some emotion and also had a strong ang good vocab there but didnt like how u put flipping the topic dont really like that jus put sumthin else instead of that sumthin creative aigth but my v/ KS
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Souljah - Overall I wasnt really feeling where you went with the topic. You could have been alot more indepth with it you know. The flow was choppy for the most part, and the vocab was average. Anything that could have help would have been creativity. But this was just another verse to me you know... Keep workin on things, you will elevate ...
King Solo - This was decent... I liked how you tried to use that vocab and make it more of a mature subject. But it wasnt to creative, i could see alot of people doing this topic this way... The rhyme was decent, choppy in a couple spots but not to bad. If anything I liked the close the most. It was a good way to release it. It was also a very realistic piece, shit like that is apart of the real life... it was pretty good work... vote - King Solo |
werd, 2-0 to me......................:shoot:
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Solo i assure this is not a h8 vote in anyway...get it DQ'ed if y wish but ill explain why im gonna vote Souljah
Solo ur piece was decent but as a criticism of both yours and Souljah's drops try not to address the topics so damn obviously u both basically took the same approach...solo you had aiight vocab, structure worked well a couple of longa lines that coulda been filled or shorted with inner rhymes n shit...solo ur 2nd satnza seems completely disjointed from first theres no flow to the concepts of the piece its like youve dropped 2 different pieces...also what your saying is so simple its just complciated ways of sayin "memories survive time"..."ive lost my memories..all i c is darkness" type crap....simple but complex = anxiety...this dorp aint of same calibre...on that note Souljah's drop was as simple and obvious as yours however his had an obvious flow, structure and story line...in summary Souljah's drop was a piece...yours felt unpolished...Peace :thumbup: Once again no h8...afta we jus cleared shit up... An aiight battle...1 :thumbup: |
*stamps feet and cries like a bitch*
werd, :thumbup: 2-1............:( no KO for me |
^respect on being safe n not a usual RV dick...1
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Yo i didn't know i was up against king solo.what happened to the other guy
but w/e this was actually my first topical battle in case you lot didnt know so thanx for the feed. |
^^ its wateva man, i wasn't given a battle for this so i complained and DQ either said i cud get a bye into the next round or battle you for a place in the next round so i chose to battle you..............
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I think that Souljah took it also, he came first with that "take" or "concept".. The takes were similar but how Solo had the whole memories being lost with time thing going on, Souljah actually had something i could relate too. With a lot of the peple getting Amnesia and comatosing and what not, thats really deep stuff, i feel you could have came with more emotion though, and maybe multiple views would have been cool... for instance the dad getting Amnesia and not remembering, but also from the daughters point of view and how much pain that would cause her because her father doesnt remember her.. would have forced you to use a lot more emotion than you did.. thats the only think that i could see really lacking in Souljahs verse, Solo yours was decent, just nothing really caught my eye.. just kind of the same ol thing that you would expect from this topic.. oh well good job to the both.
v. Souljah. |
Good battle from both of you...
Souljah: okay, I am digging the approach of the topic that you used in your piece but I got this feeling you could have gone more into detail with it you know. The emotion was strong, portrayed it in a vivid way and really made the readers get into the person's mind, let them know what he was going through and such. That was your strongest aspect in my opinion. You also managed to combine it with a good imagery, it might have been worded a bit different in places but overall it was nice. Vocab can be improved on, flow was cool and the structure was okay as well. You ended the story very abruptly which I liked, kept it simple and very clear. King Solo: the thing I liked best about your piece was the set-up and how you flipped it in the end. You were speaking on some real shit, especially in that last part so the I was feeling the approach. Vocab was nice, you had a good level of complexity yet it remained understandable for the readers. Flow was cool, structure made it easy to read with the division into 2 parts. It's not an imagery piece as in you telling a story, you are more expressing general ideas throughout clear pictures. The emotion was good as well, had some lines that made me think about stuff which is always a good thing of course. In the end, my vote goes to King Solo because I felt his approach a bit more but Souljah's drop was good too, was a tough decision... |
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