Quick Something.. show me feed
 

** this is the same verse in the freestyles section.. i just moved it for more critiques.


I came to write a free about some recent shit that happend..
people dreamed me on my knees with loaded guns clappin..
so they step up to battle, beatin tables, fingers tappin..
and they described the horrors as ener-gy to-be-rappin..
it happens more than often like everyones jaws that flappen
its supposed to tone you down and feel like all your bones are trappened
they always mention stabbin' but never mention a dream...
it seems to me like they seem to believee
that they lyrics are SOO MEAN
they cause STEAM. to leak out ya SEAM
and make your head explode and seconds later BE-to-bleed
but when you read the laws of physics, shit is not as easy as they witnessed in they thoughts..
simply not possible-to-proceed
Indeed! they musta packed to much seeded weed and freed a stream a' mem-or-y

iight man once again ya needa work on that structure...i broke it down in ur last o/m so do it like that.......multis and internal rhyming was tight vocab was iffy....needa up in that flow was iight not a bad piece for a freestyle keep doin wut do man....and rtf on my o/m please

Good looks.. ur verse got me in the battle.. I like ur structure a lot and u hit the weaknesses that im seein now in my verses.

yea kid, but keep elevatin ur startin off at a high level keep it up....and rtf on my battle verse natural killa...peace