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Tweety vs King Solo
You can find the rules if you follow this link: !Rules! Read em... Check in by Wednesday Pieces due by Friday Voting closes by Sunday Topic: The Dark Half |
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Meh............chzeck.
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meh, here it is........ The Dark Half: An Abusive Husband ..from the thoughts of a daughter.. At night I shield myself, placing my protective pillow against my head Trying in vain to block out the painful sounds from reaching my bed The late night screams, the crashing sounds of objects breaking Mixing in with my own whimpering as I curl under my covers shaking My father’s yelling is piercing, reverberating throughout the house I close my eyes and converse with myself trying to drown him out But I ask, why is my father so kind to me whilst so cruel to my mother Listening to my mothers screams, I ask does he really love her With me he wears a smile filled with joy, but is it merely a façade So each night I plead for answers, sitting and praying to my God Waking up in the morning, I see their smiles as a disguising sight Trying to protect my feelings from the events of the previous night My dad kisses me goodbye, he heads out for his day at work My mom tries to conceal her emotions, but I can tell that she hurts She pulls down on her sleeves trying to hide her bruises I question her about them, but all she gives me are false excuses Night comes; I rest in my bed until my father’s voice hits my ears Again the yelling begins, and my eyes are waterlogged with tears I can’t take it anymore; I get out of my bed and head for the stairs A loud thump echoes, then silence, has God answered my prayers I sit for a minute and listen, then I catch wind of my mothers cries Her faint whimpers are deafening to me, its time to stop all the lies I run to the stairs and look down, then I try to scream but I’m not able My father’s body lying bloody and still, broken through the table Now the nightly cries are at an end, there is no longer an excuse Now that my fathers life is over, there will no longer be any abuse |
King Solo, I need an extension till saturday..Sorry man But I got test tomorrow, and I have to study. School being hectic for me. Don't Think I'm saying this Because I just Saw your Verse. :thumbsup: Teachers here are freaking Lazy tell us that we have a test Tomorrow when they should've told us on tuesday or days earlier. I got to study.
Pz....................1 Extension granted, teachers can be a pain in the ass... |
its all cool wit me anyway, i know teachers can be a bitch..................just make sure you do drop on saturday
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He hold me in his arms and never let go. Feels so protected
When I first saw him, he had this smile, made my heart molted We both shared passion and devotion, I felt my life was like Spring He was like a doctor to me, with him he stopped.. my heart-aching Stopped the lonely nights, while i slept in bed crouching with tears He made me feel like an princess, something i never felt these years Without him, my life would've been surround by depression and agony He stopped the cold Devil poisonous plague from spreading in Thee Tears now roll down my cheeks, hyperlating, trying hard to breathe Man on his knee's with a big smile on his face. This I can't believe Looking like an white dove in this dress. A big smile across my face In my hear I hear those lovely Piano wedding tunes. Making me faint Standing now in front of him. Heart Beating so fast, Tears starts to appear My body trembles in fear. "Please Don't say no that'll be a tragic thing to hear" He Looked me square in the eye, and my body shook when he said "I do" With stammering vocals I replied the same "I...I...d..do" then it was through Both walked out of church with big smiles. Happy to jump into a new love era This is so over-whelming. Feeling excited, breathing so hard like I had asthma Riding on the right path of Life. Not alone but with someone I dearly love & trust Both showed affection, Faith, passionate, Through the unlimited of good lust Once I open that door. It was gone. All gone. The Love passionate and love of us Knife stabbed in my back, blood still Leaking. It was all an illusion, I didn’t notice I feel so hopeless and empty, Like i have nothing to live for. The Gift was a bad one I unwrapped it's red divine Ribbons, Opened it and loved it. But it was a bad Omen Hypnotized by it's great words, personality and his lust. I can't believe i fell for it For years, he was planning to strike his fire. After a Year The candle has been lit It Burned in me, Burned my whole life and body. Now here into pure dark-black ashes He turned my broken heart and healed it back-together. Now it's back in broken pieces Bankrupt, Furnisher all gone. Love is gone. Since the Illusion is done, I can see clear now The snake has finally crawled out of his flower bed, bitten in to me and left me with a big frown G-Luck |
cool, now lets get some votes on this shit
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Ditto...........
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Decent battle.
Solo, generic story. Emotion was nice and the imagery was pretty good. I felt as if I was in the room with the girl. I think if you had gone into a little more detail it would have been better. Vocab was a little too much for this piece in some places, but overall nicely balanced. Nothing that special in this verse. Tweety, long read but worth it. Nothing amazing in this verse, cept your similie at the end was a nice twist. Creative take on the topic. Your vocab was good most the time, but some wording could have been better. Your usual verse. Good and sound overall, you win for a more creative take and just better rounded verse. v-Tweety |
Tweety advances to the semi-finals
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