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real talk
yo turn me up
yo.. if I, was to die, before my eyes see the morning light// let me take time to look ova my life// and think what i done wrong what i done right// should i give up or should i fight// yo if i die i won't be with the angels floating // might as well go to hell smoking//blowing, choking on a fat sac of taht purp//smoke my coffin out before i sink down i that dirt//i know how that sound but you got to understand were i'm comming from//ya i came from the bottom of the slum// growing up screaming fuck tha world//started smoking herb just to ease my nerves//see all i had was a dream, a pad, a pen// a beat, a mic and a glass of dry gin// take a shot going round for round// take a sip spit a verse and lay it down// my only escape from everyday mistakes// rapper by day by night i'm moving weight// nigga in in face always hateing// no mo conversation let their words be my modavation//then the situation came and i lost my brother// and in the same month five-o took my mother// all this drama made me weak but i manage to stay strong//by the time my mom got out i was already grown//alone in this place we call home// lock in a room wit one bullet and my crome//a twitch of my finger and my life is gone, thats all it took// but instead i just grab a pen and my notebook//sitting in the dark,rapping to the sound of my heart, beat// feelling like world rip my life apart, ya see//this world done drove and tear i no longer hold// but that just my real talk from my soul..........// |
Hmm..its hard to judge a type emotional piece..so i'll drop suggestions and give constructive criticism... First off may i suggest you change your structure. It becomes an "eyesore" after a while. i suggest a layered pattern..the one you normally see like "bla bla bla bla bla" bla bla bla bla blabalalla bla bla That type of thing. Second off i like the piece because you simply said wat was on ya mind. With this i think you can focus just a little more attention to your vocabulary and your spelling and still keep your simple message there. Finally...Keep It Comin..And Drop A Link Before THey CLose THis Joint chuuch Defyned -aka- Savior's Souljah |
pay attention to waht he said^^^ he took all the things u can say on feedback so just listen to him and ull be str8 :thumbup:
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Word, That Kid Said Pretty Much Everything...
This Was Average... Kinda Ghetto Ganstah/Suicidal Thoughts By B.I.G Type Drop... Its Been Done, Tryn Get More Original Next Time... Also You Vocabulary Is Very Weak... Tryn Read Up And Increase That, It'll Do Alot For Your Work... Helps Make Things Seem Alot More Original Aswell... Uuuuum, Steady Flow... Struture, Eeeeeh, I Dont Really Mind It... But Rv Is Gonna Piss And Moan About It Alot... So I'd Just Take The Extra Effort And Press Enter After "//"... Sooooo Yup, Try Some Of That Next Time... Please Return The Favor On Me And Vango's New Drop... Called "Hallow Tips Pt. 2": http://community.rapverse.com/showt...ghlight=atticus Thanks Alot Mayn, Stay Up... .One. |
Drop a link or this will be closed
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what you mean bone?
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This Was Ight But Kinda Hard To Read Next Time Do It In Lines Instead Up A Paragraph Make People Want To Read It More
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my god plez leave all the mother fucking // // // // alone word....
just finish the bar and press ENTER dont continue it with all these // // // it makes it crazy hard to read and grasp fully the flow, the verse on the other hand was good i felt ya on this one cuz u put down ya emotion on this nicely, a decent multis in there, other then that its preety straight wordness, just fix ya danm strcture and u'll be aight.... 7/10 |
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