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Gods Decision- HOT!
Gods Decision The time to spite all who depended on such Skill Provided with needs, to act strong with much Will He felt immortal, yet he wondered in a Portal Stuck in his own reality, fate pondered in a Crystal Such furious diamonds, just to understand his Wrath His pain and all of his drama, he demanded a Path I ask, Why didn’t he believe in his vicious Immunity Crippled by the gut, found by a malicious Community Diagnosed with a scare, to share isn’t ever Fair To react as a liar, without his own clever Swear Never perfected in the mind, he lost his own Heart A never ending story, he was only known Smart.. Yet people lost that thought, by creating his Story Gossip travels, so people started hating his Glory No more justice, never to adore the Pressure To know it’s a fantasy, to explore the Measure An undisputed dream, a scheme always Obscene Unable to maintain a attitude, he turned Mean Lit un fire, impossible to miss a frustrated Opinion Born as a Minion, not to be a hesitated Dominion Captured & released, yet born never to be Deceased To realize his actions, to grow to be Increased By such knowledge, his fractions remain a Positive Never negative, born to contain a Alternative Compared to most, his mentality was Impulsive Aggressive in strength, but his fatality was Exclusive Found yet still lost, nothing corrupt but a Thought Nothing but dreams, a explosion to erupt in a Not He visualized the terror, so he tried to Shake it Unable to embellish it, then he tried to Fake it |
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It was aight, not really my thing, Kinda too deep for my old ghetto illiterate ass :thumbup:
good vocab tho, Imagery in the peice was top notch, Not sure many people will leave feed on this 'cause of the choice of topic.......But it was cool, Nothin much i can fault on the peice besides the fact it could of been maybe 4-6 lines longer, wasnt feelin the way you finished the peice, still dope tho....Good enjoyable deep read....keep doin your thing man....8/10 for this.. Peace shorty.. |
Good emotion, felt it...imagery was in place.....ok finisher....multis was iight...vocab was great...structure was on point...had a good flow the hole way throught it, good concept...kept me reading the whole time....8.5/10.....rtf on my o/m's peace
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thanks for the feedback.
uppin |
Yo this was real good man...I was really feeling the emotion and respect the time you took to write this...9/10...imma leave a link for you to RTF to tommorow ok...thanks alot...good verse...
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Man Vocabulary Was Good Here You Elevating Quicker Then I Thought You Was Man. Imagery Was Real Good Man Emotion Came Good Here Some Lines Was Way Deep But I Was Feeling It Alot Of This Had A Good Meaning Man Your Rhyme Scheme Was Nice Man Keep At You Good Shit
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thanks a lot, lol @ the one guy "respect the time you took to write this" i wrote this for a tourney on rb.
but yea uppin for more please and yea leave links. |
Liked it, good flow and structure, keep it up, very deep!
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nice drop man, emotion and imagery were great, flow and structure were good also, vocab was good, really liked this piece man, keep it up man
please RTF on one of my om's, either a link in my sig or the collab with me, messenger, and 2fast2furious, again good job |
thanks a lot
uppin for feed. |
hey Ive replied to this...can you plz RTF to
Desperation http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=204191 THANKS |
^no problem.
uppin for feed |
hmmm,i really think you force alot of rhymes....like you come up with one good line, then you sacrifice the next one to fit the rhyme. you should try to avoid that; halters flow and kinda takes the appeal of the piece down....but overall, nice topic.....good emotion....meh, not too much imagery based on the storyline you chose.....but overall, a good piece.....keep up.
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