Intermental - Desperation
 

(IMPT. Due to the lack of females on this site, I will only express the male point of view but if there was sum1 intrested they wudda been in it too...but oh well)

Back Story: Mr. and Mrs. Reynolds..break up..get a divorce but have Brianna..a 1 year old joy of both of their lives..whose in for a suprise..

First Scene: At the divorce court..pleading for the right for his child, Mr Reynolds makes his plea

Verse One:

Judge if you deny me the right for the sight of my baby girl,
You mite as well, make me cry, die and for me end this world,
Cos living without her is like livin this life without oxygen,
I see ure files, ure paperwork but for love there aint no document,
Breanna is my star, moon and sun, are you gonna give an early sunset,
I believe for fighting for the one you love, so u mite gt an early upset,
I wanna be that father figure, that I never had, so give her that man,
Growin up without a father really fucks you you up, give her that chance,
Maybe Im fucked up, you tell me judge aint thats what youre supposd to do,
This is what im supposd to do, to take my daughter away from the jury n u,

Talking: Mr. Reynolds has now grabbed his daughter in desperation and ran for the car, he is in the car..he puts her in the back seat without a belt...and picks up a call from his wife who witnessed everything and is in shock

Verse Two:

Look bitch its time for me to do the talking, breanna is mine,
Let me keep her, Ill get the money, you know im gonna shine,
Im having whats mine bitch, is that really wrong..............
BREANNA PUT THE SEATBELT BACK ON..............
My life eroding away like a mufuckin 100 year old stone,
Leave us alone its time for me and her to have a new home,
Youve plotted this from the beggining always trying keep me away,
Now what you gotta say, that Im takin our daughter on her birthday,
Look im messed up, I dont know where were running,
Oh HOLY SHIT, ANOTHER CAR'S COMING.....CRASHH

Talking: Mr Reynolds crashed into a nursery school van one hour before Breanna's birthday officialy started..she wasnt even one years old, ironic, he died...breanna died...but the love he had for his daughter lived for ever more........

http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=204091

upppin cmon people

ayo man DAMN dis emotion was hotness man ill man just ill man ayo holla at noral and we should all collab man we all got good emortion on things man real...............peace out 1 this is some hotshit man real

yeah for real we should...holla at moral

kk ill PM him hold up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

whats the topic first?!?!?!

dont mind dawg im down for anything.....

so ill ask moral wat topic and holla at ya then homie peace 1

or here how bout pieces to the puzzle or somethin like that?!?!?!

Thanks man...tried something new...and glad to see it work

mhm to be honest im not really feelin this, the imagery is very good but you have words that shouldnt be there, forced emotion, just not quite that, you need to up your vocabulary and up your emotion. but the imagery was very very good which made it taste good, but really you need to work on ya minor skills, anyway keep elevating

1

started off really good holmes...but then you just started swearing and everything........kinda ruined the emotion for me, but definately, overall, a solid piece......yeup, great imagery.....just try writing with a little more passion......cause the first few bars were awesome, then it fell off a lil........keep up though man

oh, and just for the record......you're not allowed to swear in count :)

LOL...thanks...no wonder they put me in jail for the night for my speeding ticked

Man uve elevated ALOT homie

Cos living without her is like livin this life without oxygen,
I see ure files, ure paperwork but for love there aint no document,

to me thats sick

But yeah i agree with the swearing it kind of ruined the piece in my perspective holmz
Overall flow is slick i liked it and it was creative nice