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Bleeding Sunshine / Anti Earth
It's wicked & twisted, but this shit is almost diminished
Cup of life's been replenished, yet it's vicious & finished How can it be, it's a tragedy and I'm ashamed to see This place just seems destroyed, it's too late to grieve I need a space to be, me.. just me.. all by my lonesome It crazy how it is............................how can I go from ; Being satisfied, to being empty handed.. I hate to see What my fate will be, since that's the thing making me It's hectic, evil.. fuck it man, it's some ridiculous strife Spitting this right so you know I'm giving up life It's not worth it, it ain't.. I'ma be fleeing from trife .. Until I go down, just to look up at a bleeding sunrise -- Strife is violent, tried to rebel but my type is silenced Cry when dying, living happily is as likely as life of giants I never usually let my emotions out, so I'm in awe now Just watching my elevated hopes, fall down Dropping this ink, but on a serious note.. just stop & just think Of me at the ocean of happiness, as I watch from the brink It's a cold cold world, must be why I run from winter Tasted a hint of death, and now my tongue is splintered Strangled & I'm leaving dazed, hoping to wither & die I'm entangled in a bleeding frame In the picture of life I'm stunned to just see, a vision of me hung from a tree It's running from me, it's fucked.. this must be a dream Can't feel the heat from life's sun, hiding behind the moon An inner feeling with in me, it's like I'm dying soon Left soulless, it's inconsiderate.. don't laugh it hurts Actually, I don’t care.. this is my perspective of anti earth |
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nice..u had nuff vocabs therre,i feel u gatta work a lil mo on ya flow sis..cos it seemed jercked...the whole stuff wasnt really flowing...structure is iight and i kinna feel d aim...keep it up
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Ok...I like the new rhyme scheme ya got here.First time I'm actually seeing you use some multis..so that's a good.Vocab was good as usual.Wording in this peice was better than your verse with Fate.
But..the concept of the song.Too cliche.I remember readin sumtin like this in a tutorial I read on BBoys website. "If you were a 20 yr old..and you see another 20 yr old...you'd stop..but if you see a 80 yr old..you'd keep goin" ^^See...now think of concepts as pussy...the newer and fresher it is...the more we want it. So work on your concepts.... and work on the content a bit.You have good wording..but the thing your actually sayin..no.The metas and shit seemed to make no sense... So... RTF PLEASE(i know you n tweety ain't big fans of this...but c'mon) http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=204095 |
I thought this was a real nice piece your vocab was on point and also i liked the way your verse flowed kinda different from most pieces i read The whole concept i though was good but kinda different...overall this was a nice piece keep it up
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thx fo da feedback
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BLACK QUEEN your facts are keen but my name
Is stained and smeared in blood feared as a thug lame As my duty get bigger need beauty and vigor like a BLACK QUEEN I’m MADD need trigger hype Rap is a reoccurring fad that bloom from time to time Listen to the tune and fine some wine from a grape vine So BLACK QUEEN you glow in a mini-skirt you know I could do plenty work such as kiss your lips and throw Tongue down your throat this is renowned quote lets go Out, your perfume peek there’s a bloom on your cheek “Oh MADD I’m hot but stop don’t rub my thighs sweet My body fries in heat guys try peep under my skirt boo Flirt too much |
:rolleyes: pricks uppin......
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this was a nice piece as usual....i liked your rhyme scheme and you came complex with your vocab which was good.....flow was on point and you had a nice structure....keep it up....lookin forward to reading more from you
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thx fo da love.
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Yo you always come with that emotional style and I like that cause reading shit like that makes me think but this was nice good vocab and all but I would like to see more multies but this was hot 8.5/10 rtf link in sig!
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