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Stanza vs .Lola Cruez. II
Battle Rules:
20 Lines No Crew Votes No Recycling No Biting Blah Blah Blah yall kno da rules Topic: View From Above G'd Luck :thumbup: Minimum posts to vote: 20 Check in by: 08-20-05 at 09:32 PM Must drop verse in 4320 minutes after check in. Win by forfeit |
Stanza has ACCEPTED this battle on 08-20-05 04:20 PM.
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..:: The View From Above ::.. The View From Below Was Quite Obsene But Now That I Look At The View From A Higher Scene I See That The Grass Is Not All That Green On This Side Ill Change My Direction And Lean To The Correct Side Or Level That I am On I've been Watchin Every Since Dusk Turn Dawn I Look Down At What I Was And What I Am Is A Man Lookin For A Way Out Of This Scram And Scams Of Life That Clog My Mind To The Point Where I Over Used My Time Writting Lines As I Look At The View From Above I Couldnt Catch The Clues With a Glove So Now I Cry Because I Miss My Love Feelin Deep In Soul Like A Soap In The Tub This View Isnt Pleasant I Thought it Would Be Nice To Have a Rich Life, No Kids, And a House Wife But Now I See That it is Lonely When Youre At The Top Because Noone Can Reach This Peak Or Spot So As I Sit and Wonder About Many Lossed Loves I'll Meditate In Depression Lookin At The View From Above Its Lonely At The Top :( |
.Lola Cruez. II has ACCEPTED this battle on 08-20-05 07:13 PM.
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DOnt NoShow Man ......................Come on man !!
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I got plently of time...............................
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Roses blooming beautifully showing their fine divine pedals Happiness everywhere, smile on kids faces as they giggle A sudden change in the air, that shifted everyone emotions black clouds started forming, the hot sun away it motioned silence erupts by the groaning noises everyone is making Disgusted looks on everyone faces, is it sick their getting? Gasped and mouths drops as they look upon in the sky Screams started to give off. As they ran with their walleye It wasn't Rain that was falling, it was something more horrible The earth was about to become a wasteland. Down it crumble Holding tight onto his knees so hard, moaning loud in agony room is getting stony, holding his breath, face bleeding like acne Eyes getting red, wondering in his head how long this will take? Bending over, tears streaming cause of the pain of his stomach ache Breathing now like bound to have a baby, quiet vocals turn to scream *whew* out it comes, windows in front of thee filled with hot steams *ahhhhh* my eye's widen in horror "what have I done?" bout to faint The gurgle noise of the Toilet disappears, my emotions show's quaint can't stop it. Down it goes...to where god creatures stays on this planet Earth is the name, little brown droplets starts to pour, no it's not .................................................. .................................................. .....Rainy chocolate |
Word...God shitted on you......Lol......Uppin........
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This was feedback posted for .Lola Cruez. II
pollzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
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This was feedback posted for Stanza
pollllllllllllls just checking da polllllllllllllllllls
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Uppin............................................. .....
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Voted For: .Lola Cruez. II
Stanza-Ok...flow was defenity where you shined.Stayed constant throughout the whole verse.Vocab was "blah".I don't know if you were tryna make it funny..but it wasn't.....so I assume the concept you had was..lonelness at the top.And for that type of topic..you need to be emotional n shit.Yours wasn't.It seemed to be too basic with execution.Decription and shit was mediocre.I'm just being honest....work on wording.Cause I didn't sense a trace of imajery or emotion in it.Flow was the best thing you had..... LoLA-Creative topic.God taking a shit?...nice job with that..Vocab n shit was on point. Imajery Emotion..... w/e.....it was all there.Only thing was that flow was off at some points.I noticed a couple of lines didn't even rhyme.And that's a no-no.Make every line rhyme.And learn to compress the lines so that only the core is left.Kinda like battlin..you can't have filler...in this..you can't have too much unessary shit.And I noticed your wording itself was a lil bland.When readin it..some lines...just seemes to sound weird coming after the other one.Take the 1st 3 lines for example...poor wording as the lines sounded odd when coming after another. Overall-Stanza has a far better flow in this battle..But everything else LoLa had . Creativity , Imajery, Emotion .. blah-blah...all belonged to her. Vote-LoL Cruez |
This was feedback posted for Stanza
ya kno checkin this out...........................
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