|
Paranoid vs Intermental
Battle Rules:
10 - 30 Lines No Crew Votes No Recycling No Biting No d/r No hate Topic:Its Dark Down Here Crew Battle Trigga Town Inc. vs. F.Y.I Minimum posts to vote: 100 Check in by: 08-20-05 at 09:33 PM Must drop verse in 4320 minutes after check in. |
Intermental has ACCEPTED this battle on 08-17-05 09:44 PM.
|
concealed beneath my sorrows, its dark down here,
my deepest emotions, my body fluctuant with fear, illuminate my soul, for God knows I crave deep for it, eliminate the dark, for God knows I resent deep for it, my regurlarly unveiled darkness,..... now is revealed hate, rage, despise, scorn.........shud be concealed, murderous and criminal animosity from a distressed youth unmasking the imposture of a liar, to display the truth a raw realness to the diction, "Lord is this all a test" a clothed falseness, being stripped to an early death |
Paranoid has ACCEPTED this battle on 08-17-05 10:43 PM.
|
It’s dark down here, such a place full of evil So scary, I thought the devil was to pull people.. Down to the underworld, vampires and bats Creepers from the streets with wires and rats Bound to kill, down to hound anyone’s space Full of blood, dreamt a pound of such disgrace Lethal personality’s, so vicious I was stopped Evil mentality’s surrounded by a malicious crop Unable to fight it, flames engaged in death.. Which killed gods strength, was he caged in breath? Pressured by a demon with a higher intelligence No misconception, filled with such annoyance Petrified by the dark, bleeding hearts diagnosed Corrupted with fame, fought for parts of a morose A ill humor, deafened by his planned scheme I ask is this a dream? Only a crammed scream.. Could bring light, so I was to fight on god’s side The weakest would prevail with a odd pride Converted by the tormented, all missed attempts.. Diminished by the demented, a twisted contempt Glorified the pain, so much misery in the dark Unable to embark, but a memory would lark.. Anything possible, if proven then easily killed The devils imagination was so greasily thrilled And as that darkness died, god caught fresh air A final destination, complete with the devils tear |
Voted For: Paranoid
A'ight this was decent... Paranoid, nice imagery solid vocab...it was pretty good but everybdoy can elevate...nice size piece...it was pretty good, keep it up... Intermental...this was a nice piece too, good imagery and what not...too bad it was short...you should make your topical verses longer...seriously... No hate, good battle, but Paranoid takes it for a longer verse... You both go and sign up for R.I.T.T right now. Publishing contract and cash as prizes. :thumbup: |
This was feedback posted for Intermental
.......................checking polls..........................
|
Voted For: Paranoid
Intermental-Well..this was a short verse here...but I think it was still ite.Vocab was really good here.Wording was ite.Emotion was good.But imajery was destitude.U lacked that a lot.Don't focus so much of vocab next time.Imajery,wording,n emotion come first.N that 2nd bar...you rhymes the same words.Now I know your gonna say "ooh..but the words I rhymed doesn't count".Well..actually it does.This isn't poetry.It's still rap.And you can't rhyme the same words twice consecutively.Concept was meh.The usual. Paranoid-Well...you had that same usual concept as intermental.The longer verse allowed you to describe more and imbed an image in our heads easier.Vocab was good.But the problem I saw was ur wording.Next time..you gotta make sure the words fit so that it seems to come right after another.Kinda like they were made for each other.But I;ll give you my vote due to better descriptions n the longer verse helped.But work on wording your verses better next time NO HATE...HONEST OPINION Vote-Paraniod RTF http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=204734 |
thanks for the votes.......................
uppin |
yo good battle yo, its my first topical now I knw to make to longer
|
Voted For: Paranoid
Ok Intermental = This was a nice piece but fuck man how short u wanna make it? lol i know this was ur 1st topical so u didnt really grasp how long they should be and how important that factor was Imagery = 2/5 Flow = 4/5 Emotion = 5/5 Creativity = 1/5 Ontopic = 4/5 Overall = 16/25 Abit of advice throw more creativity in and ur topicals would be sick Vs Paranoid = Yeah. this was def a dope read Imagery = 4/5 Flow = 4/5 Emotion = 3/5 Creativity = 3/5 Ontopic = 4/5 Overall = 18/25 Nice drop the closer was really nice btw |
Voted For: Paranoid
Paranoid got this.... Inter you my homie, but stick too audio an text, ya topic lacked creativity an imagery, wasnt feeling it dog, way too short also. Para, nice drop, evidently deeper, the scheme of the topic was alot more creative an you expressed your emotions thru the lines pretty good too, overall I dont think anybody would disagree that you get the win Para, good drop homeboy... No hate Inter, if you are too start writing topics, try using more emotion an better imagery, i kinda got bored reading your topic even tho it was so short, you gotta make the voters wanna keep reading, ya feel? No hate (obviously) But para, rtf here: http://community.rapverse.com/showb...ad.php?t=204757 or....vote will be removed homie :thumbup: |
This was feedback posted for Intermental
should be a close battle...........................
|
This was feedback posted for Intermental
pollz............................................. .....
|
uppin just need 1 more vote........................
|
| All times are GMT -4. The time now is 10:26 PM. |