unfinished
 

This is a taster - It should be finished there are lots of holes in it. I have had the idea for a while and for some reason I cannot find it on my computer. I am not impressed. This is very basic sorry - just be honest - it was written in response to my ex's rap - weak. I did not like how even though he cheated he was able to survive his girl in a crash and rap about how he was

"weak cos I love ya
hold no one above ya
friend and my lova
creep under your cova
oh baby please come back"

I decided to turn the tables and twist up the table - the concept was really good - the outcome is unfortunately not this but similar. a bit is not added cos Im tired at the moment and I think I might fluff up the thing even more. So criTic don't hold back.

You were my friend and my lover
shared everthing together
said there was no other
crept out of my cover
found another lover
hoped I won't discover
you and she together
thought we were forever


Can't say it was perfect
but I knew where we stood
there was pain and conflict
but some times were good
our love was stunted
when you got what you wanted

It's been six months and
I try to lead a peaceful life
without you here to cause me strife
but then I hear you cry a thousand tears
I swear I saw you by the stairs
when I do I try and pretend to erase my fears
cos I want to lead a normal life
but then I hear you call my name
I look at the ring that you gave me to be your wife
then my heart flutters and fills with despair

I know now that
You can't rest cos your stuck and your sorry
your in a tight spot sickened
cos you lost all your glory
finish later

might have it stored on audio

:\ Nah. Not good. Seems like poetry, because a lot of it doesn't rhyme, but I can't see much poetic concepts.

So, 5/10. 'cause I love you. :hump:

Two things em yes it is poerty Deamon and if you can't see the concepts
dont comment,.... Dam.

Alright sis I thought this was really good, it flowed really well regardless of
what Dea said at times u lost it but in poetry it dont matter which is what
this verse clearly is.

Vocab was alright I thought but elevation is needed, Strc was alright as well
I felt the meanin of this verse and the message you was putting across.

Stay up

1~

this is ok, could be a bit beter .. but i liked the read

thank you - I understand where you are coming from - it's good that there is entertainment value there

It in my eyes is very weak, cos it was done from memory and really late at night and I had work early in he morning.

Thanks again

*Closed no link*