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Paradise
reaching out with her dirty hands
asking for money the hard sidewalk concrete is her land feeling so sadden hungry she is, sadden tears with no love can anyone help her? Fallen to the ground hard from the above and he passes by with a concern look on his face, help he wish O those beautifl blue eyes still walking and his head he portrait her beauty can he help her...can he? O...Think Twice just another day for you in paradise Next day it rains, she lays in the alley with no cover snif snif by the effects of a cold Lips shaking, and thinking about the good old days before Kids she had, that been created by god abused and bruise, and out she went now..to the underground Breathing in too much of despair and she hear sounds of foot-steps passing and she whistles in a shaky voice *can ya help me? No look of concern on the person eyes and the foot goes away back she lays in the heavy rain The concrete is her pillow, and the rain falls..falls same as her tears O...Think Twice Just another day for you in paradise He passes and Passed each day...O those beautiful blue eyes Can he take her by his wings? his foot stop at the sight of her hands out asking for money but you can give her more right? he see's the strings on her face...she's been crying O lord Wings flashes open and he...... He reaches out too also, but with no money in his palm take her by your wings. souls attatch now as they both walk along the sidewalk together O.....Think Twice Just another day for you in paradise Bells tolls from above in heaven..Everyone celebrates She looks so happy now He in a tux loooking nice, with a big smile on his face isn't this a good day for love? Looking like a white dove. She flys along with him Ahh now your in......... 2 Souls attatch, both fly away..into a place called . . .Paradise. |
OK....I read it all.....it was hard...small font...had to run in room n get my glasses n shit...but.........yea........I read it all......I'm new to poetry so I don't know how accurate the shit I'm sayin is.......so yea..........you know....anyways....
I found it boring....read the title paradice...was expecting some raw peotry on sex or sumtin...but it was different...started off ite...some bitch is poor...some guys thinks she looks good...decides he wants to fuck her...so yea.....you know... damn I'm fuckin high...... |
^fuck Killa, and his bullshit responses. i liked this poem a lot. like he said, small font, so it was kinda hard to read. it kind of reminded me of that old saying: if u give a man a fish................... if u teach a man to fish etc... <---------too lazy to type it. everybody needs some love and attention. *switches to macho voice to avoid crying* yeah, uhhhh....... nice poem. hit me back if u wanna collab......
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Nice piece fam... i liked your imagrey alot and your overall concept in this piece...your vocab helpped and overall hott piece.......
Kepp dropppin Uno |
Thanx...I'll be down for a collab chip
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Everyone Is Blind, Shut The Hell Up About The Font :)
Uuum, I Like This Piece. It Wasnt Anything To Special In Terms Of Metas And Such, But The Way The Phrases Were Orderd And Worded Make It Different ... A Good Different. You Had Good Emotion, I Like That. But I Dunno, None Of The Metas Really Wow'd Me You Know? But A Strong Piece Overall, Really Enjoyd It ... Looking Forward To Reading More From You. Please Return The Favor, My Pieces "Razorblade Romance" In This Poetry Forum. Thanks Alot Fem ... Stay Up. .One. |
damn i really like this, you had a nice stucture i like the new format you use, nice flow kept it goin, imagery kept this piece together nice story and you showed very much of emotion nice job with that, i thought you could up vocab to give it more depths but vocabulary isn't everything, just a nice lil piece here, props for usin my last name:) just a nice lil piece gurl i love reading your poetry your very good at it, keep droppin maybe we could do a poetry collab sometime
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Tweety's biggest fan iz happy *yay*
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