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fraud vs Mad Knight
Battle Rules:
20-30 Lines No Crew Votes No Recycling No Biting Topic: When The Devil Closes His Eyes Minimum posts to vote: 100 Check in by: 08-30-05 at 12:54 PM Must drop verse in 4320 minutes after check in. |
fraud has ACCEPTED this battle on 08-29-05 01:02 PM.
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Lights open their minds hopin to shine in the darkness...
Time sings a melody of life, minds get sharpened... The gates of Heaven swing open, children let alive... A thread of hope rose when the Devil closed his eyes... The argument to split a true love ends in embracement... Given to the will to endure, hatred...no trace of it... Sacred are the moments when not a soul cries... Waitin for the hope to arise then He closed his eyes.... Life gives balance and balance brings neutrality... Light, dark, evil and kindness brinin in casualties... Mothers wait at windows for busses to bear seeds... While stalkers wait at schools with candy to steal these... Sun’s rise and moons fall together in a pattern... One claims the stock of an empire like it matters... Economies rise to give death to small communities... Segregation and separatism negate thoughts of unity... Gutters run with blood shed as one dead and stripped... The one that got away ran a block, got pistol whipped... Street lights dim, then flicker arousing screams.... From the alley way emerge demons with keys in their jeans... One child’s shortcut becomes a mother’s hell on earth... While one lost traveler embodies forgotten birth... A soldier from the depth of war comes home to celebration... Knowing that without justice, he destroyed a nation... The world seems to have little care for habitant lives... But the balance takes effect when the Devil closes his eyes... |
Mad Knight has ACCEPTED this battle on 08-29-05 06:45 PM.
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As the scream of a young girl awakes me from the depth of a dream
Hustle and bustle out side there seems,look for the sun but there’s no gleam No sun that shines but I can hear the faint taps of rain on my room window Many kinds of noises, as dark clouds creep across my path like a shadow As I walk to the kitchen, the drawn sound of a car alarm begins from the ground floor Glazing at the pigeon's flight which rapidly drops something I should not have ignored Slowly continue my ways to the front room which is now cold and damp ‘Why is the heating not on?’ as suddenly bust the fuse on my only lamp As I instinctively turn around, I view my walls filling with shades of the darkest water Blood splattering on my window as men shoot around in a crazed bird's slaughter I rush back to my closet and put on the first thing I pull out, not looking around Bursting through my door and out on to the corridor, blood is something that surrounds The vicious bark of the dogs gets quicker which makes me move faster Smashed glass and the strong reek of liquor, looks like a killing disaster My legs become weak as I hear the squeaky police siren ringing through the town Thunderous sounds which engulf the world as if the sky was going to crash down Across the road a man with a gun to another ones head at pure point blank This surely must be a dream another of life’s vengeance and cruel pranks But then he pulls back the trigger and implants a whole through his head All are worst crimes and fear comes to true, things we’ve grown to dread I up my pace to a run, images I thought would never see the day of light The smashing window and looting on every corner as I hold my heart uptight But in the mist of gloom and disaster, a gleam white piece of paper, never Which the headline reads ‘The Devil Closes His Eyes Now and Forever!’ *The Devil has died, so everyone is being bad cuz they know they can’t go to hell |
Voted For: Mad Knight
Mad knight- nice drop. Your usage of the topic wasnt really a original concept, next time try bring a more original approach to your topic. Add a twist to the end to leave the read amazed. You lyrical content is good,but again try finding more complex words to add more visionary into your peice. Emotion is ok,could of been deeper. But I feel you hit the story line ont he head. next time if your writing from a perspective. try say YOU instead of I. that way the reader can feel like he/she's the character and feel the stort line and emotion and all that. Fraud- your drop is simple. Your approach to the topic isnt good at all. It was what I expected fromt he topic name reall,which is never good cause it doesnt show originality. Your emotion is good. I can give you that.lyrical content is reasonable. But your whole drop as a whole just didnt cut it. same advice I gave to mad knight, try a more original approach to your topics. Allmost brainstorm everything you coudl write about. Originality will win battles. |
This was feedback posted for Mad Knight
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Voted For: Mad Knight
Mad Knight-Solid Drop Man..This Was A God Topic As Well..Story Line Was Great, Imagery Was Also Great. The Verse Had Some Good Metaphor In It Very Nice Here. Structure Was Well. Vocabulary Was Good But Really Vocab Don't Make A Difference I'd Say!...The Way You Used The Topic To Write It like This Made It Solid Man Fraud-Also You Came Decent But Emotion Wasn't Felt Much Man. Structure Was Good To Yo. Vocabulary Was Meh But Like I Said It Don't Matter. Story Line Pretty Good Man Keep That Up I Like. Imagery Was Okay Not As Good As It Could Of Bin But Well Done From Both Only Honest Vote's Holla Back |
Voted For: Mad Knight
Structure-Obvious to see, mad knight blows this catergorie away with astonishing structure and great flow fraud ur structure needs up on.....ull learn in time. Creativity-I feel both were pretty creative with there verse but mad knight caught my eye.....he was very creative and used this topic to his advantage Vocab-Madknight used his vocab appropriatley to his advantaage fraud had some ok vocab but nothing compared to mad knights Multis-Both lacked that great of multis but the only verse that i really saw appealing multis was mad knight it was plain to see just read the verse Originality-I give this catergorie a tie becuz both catergories were fresh and original V/mad knight rtf on sig links.....if not then wait till my next battle opens and drop an honest vote Vote disqualified for inadequate feedback. Please see this thread if you need help on what qualifies as an acceptable explanation. |
Voted For: Mad Knight
Fraud-You had a good concept,stuck with topic fairly well,the vocab was okay and it flowed very well,it was creative and enjoyable and the structure was good fav line Life gives balance and balance brings neutrality... Light, dark, evil and kindness brinin in casualties... very good man 8.5 Mad Knight-Great Concept,You stuck with the topic throught the whole verse,The multis were making the words rhyme perfectly so your flow was perfect,The vocab was very good,It was very creative and i like the way you ended it *The Devil has died, so everyone is being bad cuz they know they can’t go to hell Very Creative Fav Line As I instinctively turn around, I view my walls filling with shades of the darkest water Blood splattering on my window as men shoot around in a crazed bird's slaughter Very Very Good man 9.5 This battle would have been a nice ass collabo Both of ya stay up |
Voted For: Mad Knight
Fraud- I wasnt really feeling ya verse...structure was a bit off.....vocab was ok i guess...imagery Was Okay and emotion was good but the whole verse was to simple Mad Knight- A real dope drop dawg.....vocad was good.....structure was on par......imagery was dope and u added some meta's in there too.All together your verse was a real solid verse which i liked v/ Mad Knight Vote disqualified for inadequate feedback. Please see this thread if you need help on what qualifies as an acceptable explanation. |
Voted For: Mad Knight
Fraud- The argument to split a true love ends in embracement... Given to the will to endure, hatred...no trace of it... that was youre best line in my opinion you should work on emotino more and ya flow seemd to go on n off didnt feel thisv much you can do betta than this i know u can you had basic shit here mostly Mad-all good good emoition good flow not ya best but its still nice you done well is thias ya first topuical??the beggining was deep good work keep up vote-mad knight Vote disqualified for inadequate feedback. Please see this thread if you need help on what qualifies as an acceptable explanation. |
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Voted For: Mad Knight
Jeeeeeeeeeeesus Fucking Christ Your Lines Are To Long ... Lol My God, Thats Rediculous. Ok, So This Is What Happend, Fraud, Surprisingly Did VERY Well ... I've Really Gotta Comend You Man, Good Job. Specially For A New Kid. While Knight Completely Abused His Sturcture To Get It ... His Verse Was Filled With Detailed Metaphors And Poetics But, If Fraud Simply Created More Of A Story He Could Have Won This. Fraud Lack The Concept And Storyline That Involves A Reader That Knight Clearly Had. So, Pretty Good Battle. Both Need Some Work But Not Bad At All. |
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