Lucifer Taking Over
 

http://community.rapverse.com/showt...d=1#post2410077


Infernos rage across the land, flames consuming everything in sight
and Lucifer sits at his new throne on earth, evil glittering in his eyes
holding chains attatched to the necks of all of the straining men
they carry out all of his orders, while wondering when it will end
what happened to the quote believe in christ and you will be saved?
but finally evil won the battle, and across the land His diminions rage
Faith in Christ first diminished and now it is finally dispursed
when soldiers of God did not come down from heaven to end this curse
Every one has headaches in their head, like hangovers from hennessy
The power of religion has broken when Lucifer destroyed the Trinity
Crosses burn in the streets, and churches fall to the ground
the body of the pope and other religious figures is nowhere to be found
on the streets are the bodies of angels who stood and fought
but the demons of hell overpowered them and gods soldiers lost
but through all this chaos ramping across the streets
i still kneel down and pray, hoping ill live throughout the week
im a devoted Baptist, and until i die i always will try to be
the devil tries to convert me, i keep standin my ground until they kill me

this is shit....ya hear?..good.

^^^thank you for the feedback

what i suggest is that you work on structure, shorten youre lines, good try and good topic but work on it......

^People above this dude are just negative...
lets break this down...

This is Concept is good ...i see what your tryin and it worked...i dont know what their talkin bout no flow, the structure and line length did kind of mess with the flow a bit..but still the flow was there at times...that was til the end..the last 4 lines could have been bangers..if they were worded the right way...but the way you have em the end didnt rhyme that well...the emotion was there..

I dont get why people say it was shit..i mean it was good ..a lil below avg. but still it was pretty good..
Fav: Lines

Faith in Christ first diminished and now it is finally dispursed
when soldiers of God did not come down from heaven to end this curse
Every one has headaches in their head, like hangovers from hennessy
The power of religion has broken when Lucifer destroyed the Trinity

^ that was like...damn...thats kind of deep and makes you think...overall rating
5.3/10