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-   -   Beneath the Hour Glass (http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=209526)

noname 09-24-05 10:03 AM

Beneath the Hour Glass
 
Some shit I keyed up durin the verbal emotion tourney...I figured I'd try to get feed over here too....

Beneath the hour glass


fuk the world & it's uncan's ..i've taken all the pain i can
so i'm actually grateful of the falling of the last grain of sand
cos i got the strife locked..contained in the life's clock..
once this hourglass tick-tocks..then maybe it might stop
it wuz all over..i'm happy..i didn't care bout gettin any older
as i embrace an early death wit my breath growing colder
my eyelider heavier than boulders..i shut 'em both swift
a 'lil pain sprayed through my chest..but i gut it all stiff

then i found myself in a dark tunnel..wit no lights nor noice
wanted to scream for help..but there wuz no one in sight to call
but then..the settin bloomed red..wit flames shootin out everywhere
a figure wit horns came n told me i wuz his student,so don't care
his appearance scared me...wit his eyes red..unbearably
he took me on his shoulders n i asked "where the FUCK u carrin me?"
no reply on his part..he told me shut up and play my part
i wuz hiz bitch to rape...just another pitiful glitch to hate.


i asked him where i wuz..he told me..
"this the last stop
the place where souls are tormented n bled to their last drop
where dreams become nightmares n pleasure becomes anguish
where my existance meant nothing 'cept for the measure to vanquish
this where i have my fun n u don't..where I stretch the cowards ass
so you can forget everything about u or ur past
cos this iz....beneath the hour glass

noname 09-24-05 10:05 AM

http://community.rapverse.com/showt...628#post2453628

http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=209479

^^post 9..on both links.

noname 09-24-05 06:06 PM

uppin..........

Mentalz 09-25-05 03:44 AM

Damn, some nice imagery! I liked that topic alot. You had pretty good flow throughout the entire piece man. The only thing I would suggest would be uppin' your vocab and addin' some multies in the mix. Also try to add some symbolism, hints about what your typin' without typin' it. I always enjoy piece that have that down. Nice drop man, and good luck. Keep droppin'. Peace.

-Mentalz

noname 09-27-05 08:09 AM

thx...uppin for more feed


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