|
Mystic Chaos vs chip
Battle Rules:
10-40 lines No Crew Votes No Recycling No Biting Topic-Knee Deep 3-0 tko no fucking bullshit....explained votes only..... Minimum posts to vote: 20 Check in by: 10-01-05 at 10:05 PM Must drop verse in 2880 minutes after check in. Win by 3-0 KO |
chip has ACCEPTED this battle on 09-30-05 04:40 PM.
|
Mystic Chaos has ACCEPTED this battle on 10-01-05 11:56 AM.
|
knee deep in this emancipation, chants of patients
wantin doctors or peace but no answers came in, wonderin will freedom really ring, we lost track of the bell, it's crackin' itself, this hope iz merely crack in itself, knee deep in our own self-hate and self-pity, contradictin ourselves and our morals cuz times iz shitty, single moms, why the check come slow but life move fast, and then try to make it, spendin money they don't have, knee deep, in this concrete jungle scared of the man, trained to swing from tree to tree on these streets like Tarzan, makin it day-to-day for today but tomorrow's different, cuz we're slowly learnin' that tomorrow is not a given...... |
Knee Deep Was deranged as a child, expections werent high Living on the cold streets, man its hard to get by Crack addict living alone, practically in a trash can Some knew me as the dealer, others as sebastian Subtely laying low, there is a warrant for my arrest Got my coke all set, ready to distrbute to the rest Pondering of my life, how I quickly chose my paths Neva went to school, Didnt graduate with my class Broken down bum livin the life everyone despises Standin alone on the corner, as a customer arises Lookin suspicious, as I ask him if he's with the cops Scorns me with his eyes,"I can assure that I'm not" So I fork the coke over, As he hands over 5 Lincolns Convinced he was a cop, fuck what was I thinking Counting my profit as I swiftly walk down the road "Im witht he police, your underarrest for selling coke" Astonished of what is happening, drop the coke n run Went from making money, to being a suspect # one Dropped from behind, cuffs ruffly placed on my wrist Being read my rights, the 5-0 played this out slick Sentenced 40 years to life, in the state penitentary First time ive been caught, starting in elementary Was free ballin my life, livin life day by day yo Now im in this shit KNEE DEEP for sellin that yayo My parents informed of this, they shed not 1 tear Visits not expected, after 4 months that was clear Late at night I think, then I slowly began to weep Not noticed by the people, not they got me Knee deep |
even though its at the top...uppin
and nice verse g'luck |
thanx playa same to u........... uppin............
|
This was feedback posted for Mystic Chaos
you took this fam,
good luck to both. LL stand up. |
uppin fo votes yo................................................ .
|
Voted For: Mystic Chaos
i like this it was more creative and interesting.. |
Voted For: Mystic Chaos
mystic made more sence to me...i could really get into this one..it was really deep... |
chill out with the bullshit unexplained votes........... nobody wants a win or loss like that.......
|
mystic-your verse was well structure, it flowed well...i feel your imagery was shy...but ur emotion and storyline creativness made up for it.....your vocab wasnt the best....but it was still a nice gentle piece to read...i feel you had good creativenness...overall 7/10
- chip-your verse was short and hard to flow to, you need to fix your structure and make it flow better...ur vocab was good...and creativeness...though it was hard to clue pieces together..overall 6/10 V=mystic |
Chip-Your verse was short but sweet, i feel you used a good variety of vocab....it enhanced your verse.Problem with your verse is that its structured poorly...this is a problem, becuz now i can not get a good flow outa your verse.your concept to the topic was pretty good and meaning was well...overall 5/10
Mystic Chaos-Your verse was actually good. I feel like your structure was onpoint almost everyline. And the flow was tight.Your vocab could be upped a lot but your emotion deff. made up for that man. Your imagery was ok but you should up on that...your storyline kept me reading...overall 7/10 v/mystic chaos |
^that's a little better.......... but it's fucked up if the only thing y'all had against my piece iz that it wasn't centered on the screen.......... and i was within the bar limits, so my shit wasn't short......... imagine my shit iz centered, and then check the flow....... i know it's perfect, cuz i spit it to myself twice before i posted it......
|
| All times are GMT -4. The time now is 10:46 PM. |