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A Wilted Rose
A Wilted Rose (the story of life)
The Garden of Eden, a horizon composed of marmalade and crimson skies Floating atop where a wilted crimson rose lies The sun florescent enough to burn one's eyes A subtle fragrance of paradise permeates the holy spot Carried alongside a humble whisper, reiterating, “she loves me, she loves me not” Plucked petals loll harmony with the lush green grass Adjacent to the path that leads to where lies and feeble minds once clashed But alas, resisting temptation is an all too difficult task And those who know all power, know power to see beyond the masked But an innocent rose can hardly grasp the reality of the past A witness to the devil's lies, and not to its own surprise A witness to Adam bearing taste to the forbidden fruit The sweet taste of knowledge… the foretaste of eternal youth Yet the bitter taste of betrayal was the consequential truth Feasibly the wrong rib loosened from thy breast? Nevertheless, such knowledge to men was never meant Thus the ultimate punishment was far worse then death… In the garden, in the center of the white roses, the final judgment was heard Cowardliness of men lead to dishonesty, and so disloyalty once again occurred Fissures erupted from the earth, breaking the bind of serenity and peace Forsaking the once perfectly harmonious tranquility The ancestors of men damned our once respectable race And now we know dishonesty as an all too familiar face Gambling, murder, robbery, we shunned the will of the Lord And if it wasn’t already realized, we are the fallen angels, hell's horde Captive in this life of strife, yet poverty doesn’t bother me For the rich just sell eachother out to increase their royalties It was said by God, "there is no such of those who are evil They are merely like straw blown by the wind" Guided by sin, but this is how life is, this was our punishment Cars, jobs, money, the devil's poison that presses thoughts away from the truth Some are led to believe in life, you work, retire, then die, but others refuse Most men don’t bother to even ponder the real meaning of life And so we stay ignorant and deprived, living a constant lie Yet sometimes the truths can be a lie, and lies can be the truth Lies are my eyes, my trusted guide through life Because the reality is, the truth is what really keeps you blind Things are never as they seem, and what something seems to be, is nothing at all I seek the truth in the lies and the lies in the truth And I will be of the few to conclude life in paradise when the world falls The wilted red rose, has heard all the pleas and cries The rose that once stood beside a group of flourished white brothers Blended in with the rest, imposible to tell one from the other And these white roses signified man's once clean slate Until the spill of Adam and the Christ’s blood changed our fate Stained the middle white rose, and so one was painted red And not two men, but all men have bled upon it Bleached by the sin filled blood of the dead Everyday it wilts with age, corresponding time with earth, heaven, and hell And when it finally wilts to death, the world shall be dead as well Yet things are never as they seem, and what something seems to be, is nothing at all A wilted red rose, the only that stands out amongst the white And so it stands out, the most beautiful of all |
Pm Me Links To Have This Re-Opened.
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http://community.rapverse.com/showt...d=1#post2473233
http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=209776 |
this thread is so fucking dead
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this is good i had no idea you could write poetry lol very image filled it wasnt all that creative with the topic but it was damn good
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wow, this was quality man.
Was feelin the background in it was deep and had an inner meaning imo, decent vocab throughout... over all top piece 9/10 *goes to nominate for suntin* |
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Oh I can surprise you in more ways then just one baby. :) |
This Was Pretty Nice,
You've Clearly Got Some Writing Ability... I Apologize On Behalf Of The Above For Not Reading The Whole Thing, Cuz I Can Tell By The Responses They Didnt. But Ya, Here's A Break Down... This Piece Had Great Emotion, The Key Words Within The Piece Pushed A Feeling Of Angst And Lost... Eventually Running Into Acceptance, Wich I Kind Of Saw Coming Because That Usually Happens. The Imagery In This Piece Was Very Nice. You Had Alot Of Nice Metaphors And Such, Especially In The Begining They Started Strong Then Finished Likewise. Although In The Middle You Kind Of Calmed Down The Imagery, Wich Im Not Sure I Like Because It Sort Of Started To Drone On... And I Felt Like I Was Losing Focus And It Wasnt Holding My Interest. Also, There Were Only A Few Spots... But You Kind Of Ruind The Settup For The Metaphor, By Giving Away Too Much Information. Giving The Line Direction Steps Rather Than Clue To Bring The Reader To Their Own Conclusion. 'It was said by God, "there is no such of those who are evil They are merely like straw blown by the wind' And That Line Kind Of Bothered Me Aswell. In Your Piece You Switched Often From Present Tense Descriptive/Story... Into What Seemed Almost Like A History Book. And The Whole History Thing Was Someone Boring And Wasnt Engaging. Like There If You Came Up With Like: Every Punishment Sings The Hymn Of God, "there is no such of those who are evil They are merely like straw blown by the wind"... Wispers The Swift Whip Of The Calous Breeze. *Shrugs* I Dont Know, I Just Didnt Like How The Tenses Switched... Especially Since When You Brought The Reader In It Was Pretty Amazing. My Favorite Line In This Piece Was This: 'A witness to Adam bearing taste to the forbidden fruit The sweet taste of knowledge… the foretaste of eternal youth' Not Really Sure Why, Something About That Just REALLY Apealed To Me. I Think It Has To Do With Its Historical Relation To Modern Day Behavors. I Also Like: 'Yet things are never as they seem, and what something seems to be, is nothing at all A wilted red rose, the only that stands out amongst the white And so it stands out, the most beautiful of all' That Was Truely A Perfect Ending In My Opinion. Finished Off With A Nice Strong Piece Of Imagery, Emotion, And Overall Message. And I Like In The First Line Of That How You Bring Oposites Together. 'What The Seem To Be Is Nothing At All' Just A Clever Little Play I Enjoyed. The Actual Story Of This Piece Was Nice Aswell... Not The Most Original Concept With The 'Adam And Eve' Thing, But The Way You Presented It And Built Your Storyline Was Very Unique And Original. Nice Job Man, Hopefully We'll Be Seeing More Of You Around Here. |
^^ Thanks, good criticism, i'm gonna like, listen and work on that shit, and shit
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dont forgot to post this in e-style
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This is fucking dope. Obviously not getting the feed back it deserves maybe because its so long.
overall this is very good. |
Thats Not The Proper Feedback Either.
Please Leave Adiquite Feedback Next Time Or I Wont Except It. - Atty |
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word, thanks........... |
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