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Forgive Me Please
baby i cant help it your the one that i adore
even though they all told me just to ignore i cant just leave you and walk out this door cause i cant help but need your lovin some more it was 3 years and a week that we first laid eyes on eachother i suffocated because you took me and by your love is was smothered we took it further and further and now we're at the highest peak when i first seen you my heart melted, it must have sprung a leak Till this day we WERE goin strong but i cant just leave you like this you told me to get out but i cant live without your seductive kiss which is why i'm begging for forgivness,i need you in my life i will hold you till the day you accept my offer to be my wife baby i cant help it your the one that i adore even though they all told me just to ignore i cant just leave you and walk out this door cause i cant help but need your lovin some more Just something quick i thought of...leave me some feed about what you think...this is all based on a very recent experience i had...you can oblivously tell what it is just by reading it...anyway,hit me bak with some feed...HOLLA!!!!!!! |
Drop two links to two Om's you have left decent feedbacc on or this will be closed
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ok ur my boy blue!
ok check this...make your lines shorter and flow better...get a better choice of words...so it flows better...use bigger words and vocabulary....maybe incorporate multis if you want...your emotion was incorporated...and u need to work on imagery..u have potential but still have a whole lot of elevation to do...rtf on my sig link....1 |
iight thsnx for tha feed man...it was quick,and yeah im tryna elevate too but anyway,thanks aggain for tha feed and constructive critism...hit me bak ...and im gonna rtf for you mystic,as soon as i git a chance...anyway,uppin for more feed on this shit homies...HOLLA!
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yea the first 4 were good other ones shorten them up try and add multis and a few words that no one uses lol but overall pretty good felling ur open mics keep dropping
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thanx for tha feed willa and i like tha comment about you feeling my open mics...and i cant believe i was bout to quit rhymin...i think im iight at open mics...tha day i said i was gon quit,it was a very bad day for me...many things happend and i was just upset...anyway,uppin for more feed on this
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Upping for more feed
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