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Paranoid vs Mystic Chaos
Battle Rules:
15-30 lines No Crew Votes No Recycling No Biting Living Legends Vs. The Legacy Topic: Life After Death G'luck dawg Minimum posts to vote: 20 Check in by: 10-19-05 at 06:52 PM Must drop verse in 4320 minutes after check in. |
Paranoid has ACCEPTED this battle on 10-16-05 10:59 PM.
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“Life After Death”
Some people believe in religion but is it true? No comparisons match, does god really try too? Death ly’s in his grasp, to conceive it is fright Will Christ sacrifice life to receive it as light Let me take y’all to the days of the early man Just remember, i’ma make y’all understand Death aint ever lastin, just there and restin But why resurrect, death is still fair and testin Give us this day are daily bread and do forgive Hail as a soul, predict the foil so you shall live The facts ly restless, relaxation don’t share me Heaven only knows, I’ll rise and never care free Perfection in the cast, the wrath of all who lasts Blasts in my path, raisin my fame in a clue’s past Guaranteed good fortunes and wealth now a days Never will a he give up even when down on pays His heart compounded in a grave, life does exist Never to despise in justice his light does persist The casket has a magical basket revelin pain Always losing, now peelin came to feelin shame So what I say remains forever, the ghosts reminisce So I wrote this, only for them to hear this... Some people believe in religion but is it true? No comparisons match, does god really try too? Death ly’s in his grasp, to conceive it is fright Will Christ sacrifice life to receive it as light |
Mystic Chaos has ACCEPTED this battle on 10-19-05 06:55 AM.
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Life After Death
Silently brushing through the ruggid brustles of tree's Hunting for an offspring, something to satisfy my needs Gazing from sunlight, to shrubs tree's and brown leaves No edible factors in sight, growling despite no food for me Roaring at the site of an infant, a baby zebra stands still Grasping with my teeth, as I eat my hunger is now filled Deserts distilled, twitching at the sound of blank atmosphere Used to load animals, currently quiet as theres no action here Site seeing for a pocher as I sense fear tearing through my body And then im off with the wind death is calling, but it's not me Spotting a pocher near by as I start to get mysterious visions Of discolored pochers screaming nonsense and giving incisions Fluently running as pocher seems to gain pace with his fire arm Seeming to forget him, as I look back when I had 2 entire arms Inquired from previous actions in a life, look foward as I run for my life Feeling contrite, for those ive made deceased although I have survived Shouting at me he is, running on all four's but still yet to get far away Commotion from is mouth, yet not able to understand a word he is to say Fatique starts to set in as my body grows weak and tired from running No longer the predator im the prey of this evil pochers hunting Continuiously remembering a kind of past life or past history Still running from this pocher is this real life...what a mystery Is this life after death? the memories see so clear to me Vaguily in and out yet no full picture can appear to me Within an instance im rembering my life as if its happening Arguements apon a street way ended oh UNhappily The pocher was sent to say I have not survived How my life ended horridly for my life was shortlived Knowing this is not me, it's unreal its just not the same Just a vivid imagery of a "fuck you" and a *BANG* |
uppin for votes ya'll........hott battle right here...
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not bad man, but I don't know bout you winnin.
uppin for votes. |
^^?? lol ......uppin....................................... ........
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This was feedback posted for Paranoid
Checcing Polls for famo................................
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This was feedback posted for Mystic Chaos
polls.............................................
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uppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppinnnn
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uppin fa votes people....................................
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Voted For: Paranoid
Quote:
Basically I felt your verse was moe on point than MC's. It wasnt as complex, however it was very descriptive. The flow maintained throughout the piece. I enjoyed the hook, however perhaps next time you shorten your verse and add another verse after the second hook? It would come across more finished.. whole. [quote]Silently brushing through the ruggid brustles of tree's Hunting for an offspring, something to satisfy my needs Gazing from sunlight, to shrubs tree's and brown leaves No edible factors in sight, growling despite no food for me Roaring at the site of an infant, a baby zebra stands still Grasping with my teeth, as I eat my hunger is now filled Deserts distilled, twitching at the sound of blank atmosphere Used to load animals, currently quiet as theres no action here Site seeing for a pocher as I sense fear tearing through my body And then im off with the wind death is calling, but it's not me Spotting a pocher near by as I start to get mysterious visions Of discolored pochers screaming nonsense and giving incisions Fluently running as pocher seems to gain pace with his fire arm Seeming to forget him, as I look back when I had 2 entire arms Inquired from previous actions in a life, look foward as I run for my life Feeling contrite, for those ive made deceased although I have survived Shouting at me he is, running on all four's but still yet to get far away Commotion from is mouth, yet not able to understand a word he is to say Fatique starts to set in as my body grows weak and tired from running No longer the predator im the prey of this evil pochers hunting Continuiously remembering a kind of past life or past history Still running from this pocher is this real life...what a mystery Is this life after death? the memories see so clear to me Vaguily in and out yet no full picture can appear to me Within an instance im rembering my life as if its happening Arguements apon a street way ended oh UNhappily The pocher was sent to say I have not survived How my life ended horridly for my life was shortlived Knowing this is not me, it's unreal its just not the same Just a vivid imagery of a "fuck you" and a *BANG*[/qoute] MC, I liked your piece, it had more multies and consistant imagery, however I felt P's verse hit the topic harder. Not saying your was lacking, it just didnt tap my cortex as hard, ya know? ;) Anyways, all in all I feel you could have elevated more on this topic by staying on-topic more, don't take this the wrong way. I know I get ansy and people piss me off by feedback in battles when I feel I achieved what they found lacking. Good luck you two! ;) |
God not being able to edit a simple mistake like spelling is aggrevating...
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This was feedback posted for Paranoid
How you doing para?...Still dropping Topical sickness I see. Wordoms...Just checking this out...ditto and stuff.
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