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Mirrored Worlds
Mommy...mommy...where are you...
Mommy…soft screams silently float in the faintly lit room There she lays, the vulnerable creature once in my womb Her golden brown locks firmly cling to blushing cheeks As a vague moon reflects in her eyes she utters shrieks Mommy...why did you leave me...where did you go... State of dim despair shows throughout trembling hands Pain pierces through my heart, it aches by her demands Why can I not reach her, she cannot even hear me speak! Or just perceive my presence when I touch her pink cheek As glistering tears gently escape her green esoteric eyes When she suddenly throws off her one obscure disguise And there she stands…naked…only covered by pale skin To fill the emptiness within and commit most devilish sin I try to get nearer but I fail…she stands staring in mirror Blank gaze as she clasps to the knife, I start to fear her Mommy…I’ll be there soon…together with you… Why…why…my precious princess… Why did you do it… My heart so ruthlessly torn apart in a million pieces Her breathless body…and terrifying anger increases I stroke her hair; I view her eyes that turned to glass Time continues to pass; I want her to breathe at last Blood slowly floods in the cracks of the wooden floor The angel I adore who fought and now ended own war Though I cannot cry…for I am still so unaware of why She did the deed, I never will no matter how hard I try One thing that can’t be explained is mystery of dead For no one on the planet can foresee what lies ahead I’ll never know why…my angel ended her life… Her daughter’s diary reads: Mommy, why did you end your own life? Why did you leave me all alone? Was I not good enough? Didn’t you love me? Mommy…I’ll be there soon… Corrupted Minds by Mad Knizzle Frustrated Intensions by Paranoid |
Cool topic, it flowed nicely. Imagery was dope good vocab usage too. Good peace Miss Drama Pants.
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Thanks
Upping this shit...stop sleeping damnit! |
damn good drop...........the imagry, the flow, the emotion and vocab
this was a good piece ima nominate this i am very impressed |
:shocked: wow....holla-front type shit
WHY THE FUCK ARE YALL SLEEPING ON THIS?! yo, the plot was iLL and the way yu carried this out was sick as HELL....ohh my goodness...imagery was HOT...iLLest piece i've seen from yu DQ State of dim despair shows throughout trembling hands Pain pierces through my heart, it aches by her demands Why can I not reach her, she cannot even hear me speak! Or just perceive my presence when I touch her pink cheek As glistering tears gently escape her green esoteric eyes When she suddenly throws off her one obscure disguise And there she stands…naked…only covered by pale skin To fill the emptiness within and commit most devilish sin I try to get nearer but I fail…she stands staring in mirror Blank gaze as she clasps to the knife, I start to fear her ^LOVELY...damn near flawless, realli brought the storyline out...gave it an emotional depth, yo haha, if i could kiss yu...i would....nyce werk mami see, this is why Living Legends....is iLL...we got heads producing drops like this.... :thefinger |
Nice drop DQ, this piece had nice flow and structure and an awesome story. The Imagery was done very well.. as was the vocab.
All in all, this might very well be one of the best i've read from you. Nice job. :) RTF The Jigsaw Mirage |
really good drop, like i sed in the battle
good emotion, n nice twist at the end |
How is that a twist? Someone like always commits suicides in OMs.
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but still..............even so this is a good piece you can't deny her that
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I think it's mediocre.
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but life is mediocre so y not write about a mediocre life?
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because normal lives are boring.
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Damn ma this was a tight drop i was really feeling this you had nice emotions and beutiful feeling going into your drop..loved the imagery ..and nice wordplay / vocab usuage overall nice job ma..keep it up
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Thanks for feed everyone, I'll look out for your drops to RTF but it would be easier if you'd drop the links hehe...
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Yeah, I'm feeling this piece.
The overall imagery and emotion of the piece was top, you also had a nice use of wordplay throughout the verse which added more depth to the verse. But it was used at a level that it didn't take the verse from a topical style piece to a more text-like piece. Rhyme scheme was cool and everything, there is always room for improvement there though. And the vocabs were real nice, but you could always beef them up. Still, this was a real cool piece. OVERALL: 7/10 |
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