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Drastic Measure
Drastic Measures
Its silent...................but you can see the stress in his eyes Correction and time, viewed confessions, when objections collide See he's blessed with the lives of a wife, 2 kids, destined to strive Now addressed with decisions, either him cuz the next is his bride Depressed from the tries, pointless, he's drain and it's truthful His brain isn't useful, thoughts tamed, through the veins in his pupils Protect and to serve, directs to his nerves, wasn't left with reserves Officer of the law, give'n a choice, that wasn't pressed in the terms Reality fams real........couple hours and their still at a stand still Being step on hurts, like city dumps, he really knows how the land feels Trying to cram deals, and ram drills, suppose........maybe this mans ill Nope...........another pety felon with a gun who constantly rams bills Damn.............aim'd.................below the neck above the waist See his face...........caution and fear, seems as if its from the case Starts to race, adrenaline has been through his fingers and nails shake'n He shivers from chills, exempt from his mental reacts............break'n But he's still intact, ache'n, 20 years on the job..............fired? Conspired against, explosive connected to the brain, from thoughts wired Shallow winds, breezes pass, hits glass, fogs up to evaporizes Shots fired, bullet pierces chest plates, sealed fates, initializes Barrel smoke'n, steady hands loose, body covered with mortal blood Should've neva cheated........................................... ....... ..........................damn would've neva guess the murderer was his son |
i'll drop links shortly...
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When i first saw your name i thougt youd be another cat talking about multies and then your verses wouldnt have any. But i was very impressed with this piece and you can without a doubt put mad multies into your pieces which is good.
The concept was dark and original so i was really feeling this piece. Originality is rare today so i always enjoy reading these types of pieces, the story was told well the detail was brilliant graphic too which always make a verse stand out. The vocab fit perfect with the concept it helped you write wicked imagery. Its cool to picture what your writing down and i was visualising what i was reading which is rare with writtens so you got my props for this piece. The flow was cool a lot of multies so im glad you lived up to your name. Return the feed on my om 'Sick State': http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=215827 |
this was a decent piece, a little choppy near the end,
the continuess,,,,,,,,, didnt help your flow. i thought your vocab was appropriate, you didnt over due it, structure...well imo you shouldve left it without periods to even everything out.. but other then those points i think this was pretty good, closer was your strongest part outta your verse.. which is ultimately very important..... rtf on "times have changed"...pc |
you're good but on a different level i just kick it like this homey
Want pathetic treasures in energetic measures like bill gates So I can fill plate with Philly steaks succeed just to thrill my fate One cat had the power of speech took an hour to reach the hate Inside some he teach hot knowledge not garbage he knew reality has a straight Course he has personality of great force from his home raising he could pray A soul to heaven everyday bold at the seven eleven but never go astray One day a girl approached on the rag carrying a coach bag he made improper Advances he wanted hotter romances his fate is for her to participate in popular Sex, round brown hips and red renowned lips he won’t be able to resist Her kiss her hair a flaw like an unfair law but beautiful in African twists His beard like horsehair but wanted a choice affair wants to reminisce On her kiss flavor his behavior aggressive and possessive for this Was a moment to get over |
Stop randomly posting shit in threads bro. It's so fucking old now.
A little hint: dropping your pieces in other threads doesnt get it read, I seriously see a block of words writen by fagbag and go onto the next post. You actually enjoy this pointless rue? |
Sorry Multie, bit of feed now:
Firstly, yah, Mr. Multie has some talent, he made my list of people to look out for with the first OM he dropped. This piece had some nice, fluid flowing vocab, not overly used. The emotion was decent... What I feel your strong point in this piece was? Your imagery. Very vivid man. Now the drawback. One thing I dont like is the brevity of your drops bro. Some of the shit you drop im like "man, wtf its over". The concept was one thing I didnt care for. Not my cup of beer. Anyways, keep it up bro. Peace. |
JUST TRYING TO BRING mr multie DOWN TO EARTH WITH HIS RHYMES SO HE CAN BETTER REALATE TO PEOPLE AND MENTALZ LOOK JACK ASS YOU WON'T TWELL MY RHYMES DWERE GOOD IF THEY WERE ENDORSED BY JAY-Z SO GET LOST YOU UNFAIR DUDE
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Listen Pinocchio, you arnt helping anyone by freestyling in there thread.
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IS IT ME OR IS THE WHACK DING DONG SAYING WHAT I GAVE AN EXAMPLE OF IN MY RHYME?
Now the drawback. One thing I dont like is the brevity of your drops bro. Some of the shit you drop im like "man, wtf its over". The concept was one thing I didnt care for. Not my cup of beer. Anyways, keep it up bro. |
How is FREESTYLING in a thread considered just feedback you fucking lune.
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Mod, request you delete the last few post's of conversation between Gladbag and myself and motion for you to BAN him.
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Naw Mod Delete This Bitch Give Him An Evauluation On How Much Positive Kexamples He Give To The Site The Answer Is None He Just Dust On Myu Shoulder So Like Jay-z Say Can You Brush Him Off Homey
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