When I'm Gone-Topical
 

http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=217657


A Voice That Once Funded And Hunted This Industry
One Desciple To Make Your Eyes Close And Picture Me
Made The Blind Regain Sight, The Def Witness Music
A Lyrical Spark To Physicaly Start Shortnenin Fuses
Cause I'll Be Under A Storm, Lightin Brightin The Stage
Fans Fightin, Hidin They Rage To See Me Sayin Good By While I Wave
Picket Signs With Recognition Of Beauty In Lyrics
A Legend To Stand With A Strong Composure, Truly I'm Finished
But Before I Leave I'll Deform The Leaves
Shatter Trees, Bring Storms To Thee, Distort The Breeze
To Make It Glide With My Rythm Beyong The Vast Fields
With More Ambition That An Underground Artist About To Grasp Deals
I'll Wave Good Bye, While Fans Gaze Tonight At My Departure
Form With Words And Scritpures A Featured And Mutual Sculpture
And While The Last Light From My Last Night Dim's With A Everlasting Glow
Tear Drops Gathered To Make It Thunder And This Very Moment Froze
So This One Individual Hears The Blustering Sounds Of Rippled Effects
From The Sheddin Of Emotions As They Yell I'm Miracly Blessed
And The Curtains Squeel As They Close To Withold A Living Legend
A Tomb For A Given Reverand To This Exquisit And Brilliant Segment
And Historical Moment In The Industries Years Of Production
So As They Cover My Shadow, A Trail Is Covered To Be Disfunctioned
And The Few Things I See Are The Last Visible Words Of Fans Cryin Out My Lyrics
To When I'm Gone As They Realised The Curtains Closed...........
...........This Once A Legend Is Now Finished

twelve views no damn feedback?

This is nice man. You've got a very strong flow to your writing that just rolls of the tongue brilliantly. The content was nice aswell... Athough it's been done time and time again I think your almost, poetic description, really brought this piece to an unseen level.

The only thing that I didnt really like was the structure. Its to me just a mass of words when I look at it. This could have done better had it been cut into two individual verses, and had you aplied some shorter lines.

Nice job man, and please return the favor on my new OM, "The Lone Chair".

Drop another links homie or this will be closed


but on another note yeah i was really feeling this you have a nice flow your all your peices that really attractes the reader in..your wordplay and vocabualary was pretty good and i was really feeling the emotions you put toward this peice..keep it up.

thanks for the feedback.....i'll drop the other link in a lil bit